Hello and happy Friday, gang!
We’re looking at a warm, sunny day here in Chicago, and I am here for it. Last night it was weirdly windy and cool (it was giving Bay Area — I had a sweatshirt on), but we spent the evening in our apartment building’s courtyard at a little gathering with all our neighbors, which was lovely.
And now, without further ado, I am very pleased to be able to make an extremely cool announcement today:
I GOT A JOB!!
I’m going to be writing about Trending News (internet and otherwise) for Buzzfeed!!!!
I have been selected for a full time, year-long fellowship which I am incredibly thrilled about. I start on the 24th, so I’m going to be wrapping up my large list for Hard Drive this weekend and then TAKING A BREAK for two weeks!! (I’ll still be here, of course, but otherwise will be lounging around doing absolutely NOTHING for the first time in ages!)
I’ve been writing SO MUCH for the last year and a half and am so incredibly proud of myself. This is going to be my first “real” job as a Writer™, doing all the fun stuff and none of the sitting through meetings with engineers talking about APIs or workflows. I get to sit around and be annoying online FOR WORK. Truly mind-blowing.
One small change will be coming to TMI — for now, I’m going to close up shop on the Deep Dives as I’m under the assumption a lot of that type of work is going to be pitched to my new day job1. I still plan to put together my stats compilation for the end of the year, but otherwise it’ll just be your regular Friday newsies for now. OF COURSE I will be sharing all my new work here (OF COURSE).
I cannot wait to have my first piece up on Buzzfeed to share here!! I’m so excited.
As you can imagine, this week has been a little nuts! I had to turn in an extensive list of my existing IP (read: previous works, works in progress, and project ideas) as part of my contract, so that took some time to finagle. It certainly is nice to see, though — nothing makes you feel more accomplished than seeing a gigantic list of all your work, ever, in one place.
Also on Tuesday, I filled in for a friend at a read-through of a sketch he was getting feedback on at the Bughouse Theater, and it was a blast. I haven’t been out and doing things in the comedy scene here in a loooooong time, and it was so nice to see people perform!! Definitely makes me want to keep forcing myself to put on real pants and leave the house once in a while.
It’s been a fun week!!
Now, with all that fun out of the way — let’s get on to all the junk I’ve compiled for ya!
Footlong sub
Following up on last week’s post about billionaire real estate developer Larry Connor’s plan to off himself by trying to look at the Titanic wreckage, here’s an image of the ship he’ll be descending to the depths in2:
Hm. Something about this looks familiar…oh, I know what it is:
Perfect. Looks great, and there’s really nothing at all concerning about being enclosed in a CLEAR GLASS BALL at 6,500 PSI. Have fun, fellas.
Also, I fixed last week’s image now, too.
I’m ready for Sub Implosion 2: Wreckage Boogaloo. Let’s do this.
Rat City, Bitch
First off, here’s an embarrassing fact about me: this week I read the word “ratio,” and pronounced it in my head like “patio.” Like, a patio for rats. TMI has given me Rat Brain™. I’m not mad about it.
Anyway, RatTok has made an enemy of me this week.
I popped on the other evening to watch rats crawl around on the New York City streets, just in time to see the proprietor of the channel spraying some kind of scent repellant on and around our boys.
I know he’s always saying he’s there to “bring awareness” to rat infestations in the city, but he used to bring them like a couple of hamburgers or something, not ruin their 5-Star dumpster meal.
LET RATS LIVE!!
We need a new, talented rat filmmaker who is willing to provide the rats with snacks, soft bedding, and a production assistant. Who will heed the call???
Good Read(s)
I really enjoyed this article from Chicago Mag about the Fine Arts Building’s elevator operators — the last of the public manual elevators will be phased out relatively soon, and it’ll be the end of an era.
I’ve used those elevators several times, and cannot understate just how rad they are. The operators are wonderful and it’s amazing to watch them work. If you’re local and haven’t gotten a chance to ride in one, go do it before they’re gone!!
Brands a’branding
McDonald’s released a new flavor of McFlurry this week, called the Grandma McFlurry. But they’re being weirdly cryptic about what, exactly, “grandma” flavor is.
McDonald’s own press release doesn’t even give any additional insight:
The new McFlurry is sweet – just like grandma – and features a delicious syrup and chopped, crunchy candy pieces (like grandma's favorite treat that she hid in her purse!) - all blended in our creamy vanilla soft serve. It’s the perfect sweet treat to share with grandma or the grandma-figure in your life.
Taste tests seem to confirm that the treat is butterscotch/Werther’s Original flavored3, but conjecture is that they haven’t gotten approval to say “Werther’s Original,” so they’re just calling it “grandma,” instead.
Makes total sense! Absolutely nothing weird about saying that your new McFlurry is “grandma” flavored. Tastes just like you remember!! 🤢
And now, shockingly, we’re actually going to give a Brand™ some credit today for something so cute it could’ve almost gone into the “Wholesome fun” section.
Earlier this week, I saw this tweet from Lego:
I was stoked because I hoped that someone had just like, accidentally tweeted from the LEGO account with their phone in their pocket — which, while embarrassing for the person involved, is a fun reminder that there’s a real human behind the brand account.
The tweet immediately started racking up likes, of course, because humans are assholes that clap when someone drops a plate in the middle of a restaurant.
But then, LEGO followed up with this:
I’m sorry, excuse me?!! This is so incredibly clever! Give the social media manager a raise!!!
Note to Mickey D’s: Doesn’t seem that hard to do something fun and not say you have “cat flavored” LEGO4! Something to think about!!
Randomly selected animal cutie
I wouldn’t normally call a fish cute, but the story of a doctor finding and saving a random goldfish in his backyard in this thread is worth a read!
Now, for something fuzzy:
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This looks so incredibly relaxing. This is where I need to be for the next two weeks. Can someone arrange that for me, please??
That’s it from me this week! Thanks again to all of you for your continued support and letting me be annoying in your inboxes once a week. Have a great weekend, friends!!
K
I may end up putting some together if I find a topic I just can’t get out of my head, but can’t make any guarantees.
Ship in which he’ll be descending to the depths? English is stupid.
There’s a non-zero chance someone could assume this was peppermint, strawberry, or old lint flavored.
I’m never going to be able to pluralize this properly. Please do not come for me.
Congrats, Kelley!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! I cannot wait to see all your writing all over the internet! So pumped you found somethign that sounds like such a good fit. Enjoy your break!