Hey friends!! Happy Friday!
It’s been HOT HOT HOT here this week, but luckily our little window units are keeping it cool enough inside. Looks like next week it’s even going to be in the 90s! Summer has truly arrived, babes!!!
And get this: would you believe that just one week after getting to make my exciting job announcement, I have yet ANOTHER exciting announcement to make??
Drumroll, please…
TMI HAS HIT 100 SUBSCRIBERS!!
YES, THAT’S RIGHT!! There are now officially 100 of you subscribed to TMI!! (Well, 101, to be exact (please do not alert Cruella deVil).)
I am incredibly thrilled to have reached this milestone (which was a huge goal for me) and am also incredibly thankful that you’re all here, letting me put a little trash in your inbox once a week.
The last couple of years have been kind of a lot, but TMI has been a very comforting constant in the background. Little victories like this make me feel like things are actually moving in the right direction for the first time in a while. So, thank you.
With all that said: remember how last week I planned to finish up my open projects and then take time off? Well, I think I just actually needed time off already, which is what I spent most of the week doing (sans going to two separate DMVs to get an updated copy of my driver’s license, whee).
I’ve mostly been hanging out this week, doing some housework and trying to beat the Civ VI game of the month (which has been making me insane because every time I almost win some jerkoff (cough cough, Wilhelmina) starts a war with me and takes one of my cities1). I’ve watched some TV, stayed up too late playing Candy Crush, and, as always, scrolled around on the world wide web.
So, let’s get in to the goods I’ve got for ya this week:
I’m being personally attacked
Oh. Oh no. Is this accurate?
If we didn’t have phones, would I still be way too informed about the ingredient list on every item in my home? Or maybe, like…with expendable income to buy books and no internet, would I have an entire apartment full of reading material instead of just two bookshelves? Would I still have subscriptions to magazines?? (Ugh, I really do miss physical media (just not having to store it).)
I used to read 2-3 books at a time as a kid…but now I just read Twitter and Reddit threads and people’s personal essays in The Cut. Maybe, without my phone, I’d be a well-read genius who’d’ve gotten through all the classics by now. I’d have hot takes on The Metamorphosis and Moby Dick instead of a guy that spends all his money buying pills and zapping devices to keep him looking like a Kirkland brand Data.
Alas — if I had no phone or internet, I wouldn’t have this newsletter (or my new job), so it’s definitely worth it. Sorry, Kafka.
Stinky la fleur
![Headline that reads "Rare double bloom of corpse flowers draws crowds to Chicago Botanic Garden" Headline that reads "Rare double bloom of corpse flowers draws crowds to Chicago Botanic Garden"](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2e2d8825-8409-43e1-8730-727a067edffb_2230x466.png)
This week, the Chicago Botanic Garden has two (2) corpse flowers prepping to bloom!2 If you’re not familiar with these things, they’re essentially gigantic (~10 ft tall, ~100 lb) flowers that smell like rotting flesh and “death” (whatever death smells like — eau de Grim Reapér?). Gorgeous!
They have a live stream of the blooms up (they’re not doing much of anything at the moment):
I kind of want to see them just for the experience, but am also scared that the smell will be unforgettable. I’ve heard smell is the strongest sense tied to memory — what if I never forget how bad it is, and late at night when my brain peruses every mistake I’ve ever made, this is added to the index? (Is this a normal fear? Don’t answer that.)
What do y’all think — should I get in the car and drive half an hour to be exposed to something potentially completely horrific, all for the spectacle??
Rat City
This little guy is a CARTOON. Just look at those little legs going in the air!
This is the kind of joyous interaction we get with nature’s trash munchers when they get plenty to eat and are not sprayed with odor repellant (I’m looking at you, RatTok)!!
Let the Hot Dog Man™ eat
This week, Major League Eating announced that they’re banning competitive eater Joey Chestnut from their 4th of July competition at Nathan’s Hot Dogs in NYC because he’s signed an endorsement deal with Impossible Foods.
According to Joey himself, this was a completely unexpected development, as he doesn’t actually have any type of contract with MLE or Nathan’s.
First off, just look at this guy:
Why are we, as Americans, being denied watching our country’s best Hot Dog Man™ eating hot dogs on Independence Day?? This is treasonous, MLE. This man is literally MISTER HOT DOG. Exclude him at your own risk.
I say: Let the Hot Dog Man dip his hot dogs (beef or vegan) in water and eat them too fast and then look like he’s going to throw up for our entertainment!! 🇺🇸
Secondly, I personally don’t think vegan dogs are in competition with beef hot dogs at all — they’re two completely different things for different people. If anything, it seems like Nathan’s is admitting that they’re concerned they’re losing market share to the faux dogs?? 🤔 Honestly, I haven’t had a “real” hot dog in almost 15 years and I am absolutely sure that the fake ones I eat taste nothing like beef — but I’m eating them because they’re not beef. That’s the point.
Lastly — I can imagine there’s not a lot of money in competitive eating. It’s like being an Olympian — you’re spending all your time training and endorsements are the only way to make money. MLE or Nathan’s should either pay Joey, or let him take money from other companies. People deserve to be paid for their talents, even if that talent is eating a lot of hot dogs really fast!!
On the positive side, he’ll be competing in a streamed contest on Netflix on Labor Day against rival Takeru Kobayashi, so there’ll still be a disgusting competition for us to watch on an American holiday. Guess we’ll take what we can get, though we absolutely deserve both.
Randomly selected animal cutie
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I truly cannot deal with the cuteness of this little baby!! He is the sweetest boy of all time. I would like to hug him please 🥺
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to do some housework and keep wrapping up all my loose ends over the next week. Have a great weekend!
K
I’m over it (read: will try to win and get mad again at least three more times).
I’m shocked to discover that the last time this happened was 2018 — I remember hearing about it (though I missed seeing it in person) — which was apparently SIX years ago and you know what, I don’t want to dig any deeper in to how completely warped my sense of time is.
YAY Kelley! Congrats on 101! Side note: John Green has a really great essay about hot dog eating contests in his book The Anthropocene Reviewed -- might be up your alley!
My vote is absolutely go see death flower. I wanna hear all about it.