Tentacles Squelching Wetly

Internet round-up for the week of June 6, 2022

Jun 10, 2022

Hello and happy Friday! Hope you had a lovely week. Mine’s been fairly uneventful, mostly just working on work and personal projects, and being annoyed that it’s still rainier than usual around here.

We finally finished the first release of Stranger Things, and I loved it. I didn’t watch it with the captioning on, though, but this tweet makes me wish I had:

lana @3lsfav

why are the vecna subtitles so fucking weird

Seems the British had a real normal one during their Jubilee celebration I mentioned last week, just waving at a hologram of the queen in a carriage as she went by.

Eddie Robson @EddieRobson

Tweeted with permission from a locked account:

After weeks of being very busy and/or sick, this week finally feels like I’m getting back to my normal amounts of internet consumption. So, for your consideration, I present:

Headline of the Week

Exciting, interesting news from SciTechDaily.

I’M READY. Put me on a ship. Get me off this planet. Let’s go.

Now for my nihilist concerns: what if this turns out to be some massive echo from something we’re sending out?

No. I want to believe.

Who Approved This Product?

Look. I’m gonna be straight with you. I love cheese and all things associated with it. I really love painting my own nails, too. But I’m not quite sure how I feel about CHEESE SCENTED NAIL POLISH, Nails.INC.

Imagine someone near you smelling cheese and wondering when the last time you washed your feet was, and it turns out it’s just your damn nail polish. Or smelling your own Velveeta polish all day and being incredibly hungry. Or also somehow smelling Velveeta all day and over-saturating your cheese receptors to the point of not wanting to eat cheese anymore? Yeesh.

Be honest, though. Should I buy this?

I Am Extremely Invested In This

There were a couple of fun Twitter interactions this week that I immediately got invested in when they appeared in my feed. First off, this dramatic bowl-in-bowl tale:

Chi Nguyễn @whatchidid

Twitter, I need your help. I stacked a ceramic bowl into another one while doing dishes and now they are stuck. How do you remove the smaller bowl without breaking both of them? Why am I so invested? I’ve tried to fix this for 2 days, and I cannot give up now.

A smaller ceramic bowl stuck inside a taller soup bowl.

Thread spoiler: the smaller bowl does make an escape, with only minor injury!

I also saw this tweet:

kelbin @pissboymcgee

if anyone in nyc wants $40 worth of chipotle, it’s sitting on the takeout shelf at the broadway location in chinatown. it’s paid for and under my name Ryan Y. didn’t look at the location before ordering and just made an absolute fool of myself in the chipotle in buffalo

And immediately felt empathy. I have ordered food to the wrong Chipotle before, and it is absolutely devastating. Not just because of the shame of asking the staff, who are like…“no, we don’t have an order under that name”, and then you pull it up on your phone and realize it’s at the wrong place, but then you have to ask them to make your food again while your paid item slowly succumbs to entropy at the other store.

But..a hero emerged:

jared! (official sb) @JaredsBurnerAct

A lot of people aren’t ready when opportunity strikes. A lot of people aren’t me

kelbin @pissboymcgee

And the Chipotle was eaten. 🙏🏻

And finally: The Ape Is Home Safe

sarah emerson @SarahNEmerson

HELLO: Seth Green got his ape back from Mr. Cheese, according to transaction records and Green confirming this to me just now when I crashed his NFT project's Twitter Space. It also appears Green may have paid Cheese nearly $300,000 to return the ape!!!!

buzzfeednews.comSeth Green’s Stolen Bored Ape Is Back Home“Fred is back home.”

This is the most ridiculous story, and it just keeps getting more ridiculous.

For some context, if you’re not familiar, Seth Green started a cartoon show around a drawing of an ape that is an NFT, and then he lost that NFT in a phishing scam. Because of the nature of NFTs, he apparently couldn’t make the show, because he had lost the ownership rights to the image of the ape. So, uh, $300,000 later, he’s back in possession of the NFT.

Yes, the image of the ape that you could just, y’know, screenshot and put on your own computer. Just a quick payment of 300 grand to, yes, you read that right: Mr. Cheese.

MISTER CHEESE.

Be honest, though. Should I tell him about that Velveeta nail polish?