The Body of This is Absurd
Internet round-up for the week of September 19, 2022
Good morning, and happy Friday! It’s fall! And I’m pleased to report that it actually has felt like fall this week here in California! It’s currently 60 degrees, 9 AM, and way too early for the BeReal notification I got a little while ago. I’ll BeReal happy to take a photo once I get out of bed and do something with my hair, thanks.
Is that sort of ruining the point of BeReal? Sure. But who among us has not snapped a cool photo of the thing in front of us, only to realize that the selfie camera captured us with 32 extra chins? Those chins are private, like a burgeoning celebrity relationship. We like to keep something just for us. Just me and the chins.
Speaking of notifications — I just signed up for DuoLingo again (I have no idea when the last time I used it was, but I already had an account when I downloaded the app) to try to get a little bit familiar with French before going on a trip to Montreal next month with some friends (exciting!!). And I just got a notification that an ex-bandmate of my husband’s that I haven’t spoken to in about 7 years got a 200 day streak going. Uh, congrats, I guess, Scott? Why do apps do this??
Thanks for reading TMI - Too Much Internet! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
ANYway, here’s the goods from this week:
Headline of the week
Is there a good time to bite a nose? BYO joke about this guy turning into a cannibal because he’s desperate for real meat.
Let’s Talk About Sexts, Baby
The internet was set aflame this week when Instagram model Sumner Stroh released DMs between her and Adam Levine (Mr. Maroon 5, married, wife is pregnant, he apparently wanted to name the baby Sumner after his mistress, I once saw his torso tattoo placement referred to as a “Chipotle bag” and will never get over it) claiming they’d had a yearlong affair. All we have for proof is the messages, which he’s saying is all that happened, but my god, the messages.
I cannot get over them. Here’s a pile of my favorite memes about the cringiest conversation of all time:
I’m Being Personally Attacked
Every morning my husband gets a report on the number of times he stole all the blankets or snored or moved. It’s very important information.
Is it too late to learn? Maybe I can break the cycle.
Very sorry to my friends that I got into Love Island UK.
I’m looking at you, DuoLingo.
There is truly nothing worse than getting that second set of plasticware from the restaurant. I know exactly how much food this is, thank you.
Shameless Self-Promotion Corner
Slackjaw always takes my nerdiest work, and I love them for it. Here’s an excerpt:
So far I’m really liking House of the Dragon — it’s tough, I think, to be as connected to these characters as we were to the Game of Thrones folks after 8 seasons. (I’ve got the Fire & Blood book but haven’t started it yet.) I’m hanging with it, though, remembering those early GoT seasons where the big conversation was just “who is that again?” Definitely think it’s worth a watch if you’re on the fence, at least for Matt Smith and his fits.
I am and always will be an Eli stan. This video brought me pure joy this week.
If you recognize this item, we share a deep spiritual connection.
Sigh. Substack is complaining that my email’s getting too long again. So, quickly, here’s a
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
I hope you have a lovely weekend! Be wary of who you’re sending messages to and get some sun!