You'll Be Sorry!
Internet round-up for the week of February 6, 2023
Hello and happy Friday, friends! It’s sunny today, hooray!! Whoever screwed up last week’s weather program seems to have been properly reprimanded, and we’re back to California™.
Overall I’ve been feeling a bit better this week — things seem to get a little easier every day. I can tell because I’ve only needed to eat Taco Bell twice this week to settle my stomach.
Yes, you read that correctly. Settle. Taco Bell is very good and healthy and makes my stomach feel better. I will not be taking questions at this time.
We caught up on Physical: 100 last night — last week I was gently recommending that everyone watch this show and I’ve now decided to move on to demanding that everyone watch this show. And it’s not just because I want to talk about Choo Sung-hoon (aka Sexyama aka Choo Sung-swoon)! That is a big part of it but it is not the only reason!! It’s just really fun to watch and I love everyone on there except the one guy who doesn’t want any women on his team. I hope they do a million more seasons of this and that there are more games and they last forever.
Feels like it’s been a bit of a slow news week this week? Maybe it’s because there was a Twitter outage (related: read this piece about Monsieur Musk) (also hell yeah I spelled “Monsieur” right on the first try) or the fact that I’ve spent most of my time starting and then getting bored with Civ 6 games. 🤷🏼♀️ Either way — here’s what I’ve got for ya:
Karma is My Boyfriend
I did say I was feeling a bit better about everything, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a little schadenfreude (I somehow also spelled that correctly on the first try, couldn’t believe I’d get two in a row, assumed that the Substack autocorrect was missing it, then Googled it (gross) to check, then realized I was right, and am very proud of myself).
This week, my ex (employer) demoed their new AI chatbot, Bard, and it…went.
Did my work there have anything to do with the AI department?
Is this *karma*?
Who’s to say? I don’t think we can empirically prove that it is not karma.
Let’s find out.
LOVE to reminisce about the time I took an Uber home from work in Chicago and as we were merging onto the highway in traffic, my driver was playing chicken with someone on the on-ramp. He finally passed them, realized the driver was a woman, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the ride telling me what bad drivers women are and how he couldn’t stand to share the road with us and we shouldn’t be allowed to drive. I did a lot of “mhmm”ing and nodding for someone that a) is a woman b) has a driver’s license and c) has only been in accidents that were not my fault except for one time when I backed into a light pole and busted my tail light at 16.
Once I got to my apartment and got up to the door I was fiddling with my keys and he was still just…sitting there? It was broad daylight and I started wondering if he was just waiting for a tip, so I pulled out my phone and gave him one, and then he left.
The TL;DR here is that an Uber driver spent the whole ride telling me women are terrible drivers and I agreed with him and then gave him a tip afterwards. Don’t fuck with me, okay? You’ll be sorry*!
Honestly the real takeaway here is that I think most women don’t feel safe in strangers’ cars and will say anything it takes to get home safely! Very cool!
*Driving away assuming all women know they’re bad drivers and with a hearty extra $5.00 on top of the money from your already surge-priced rush hour 5 mile drive!
Do they, though? I miss Teen Spirit. I moved to wearing “natural” deodorant some years ago (read: deodorant that “works” by also smelling kind of like BO so you can’t quite tell what that odor is) but at least I found one that smells like Birthday Cake.
It was a special edition so I bought like 5 sticks and I’m hoarding it by using up an old peach scented one for now. I’m an adult.
Shameless Self-Promotion Corner
My second layoff-related satire piece went up this week!
I’m just helping CEOs with some ideas, like “Cake in the breakroom that says ‘Happy Layoffs!’ in company-branded colors of frosting”. I’m helping!
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: I’m never going to apologize for sharing the Cincinnati Zoo’s hippos over and over. I’m obsessed.
I can’t with these two.
That’s it from me this week! We’ll be watching the Super Bowl and its awful commercials (I still haven’t recovered from Baby Nut) and eating 7 layer dip. Hope y’all have a great weekend!
Thanks for reading TMI - Too Much Internet! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.