Big Discounted Ham

Internet round-up for the week of January 13, 2025

Jan 17, 2025

Hello, and happy Friday, my friends!

It’s a lovely, sunny (and cold, of course) day here in Chicago, and I’m thoroughly enjoying the sky not being overcast because at this point in the winter it turns me into an absolute slug. I mean, I know this is what the winter’s like here, but I forget about it the second it turns warm (which I’ll definitely do again in four or so months). I’m coveting sunlight right now, and I can see it, so things are good.

It’s been a fairly busy week for me — not just with work, but also because I crammed an entire season of The Traitors and a rewatch of the first season of Severance into the last week.

You know. Things I was going to do over my break but uh…well, didn’t get to. Not because I had planned too much. It’s not that.1 I reeeeeeally don’t wanna hear you saying it was that. Okay. Thank you.

ANYWAY.

Severance is so damn good. If you haven’t watched it yet, stop what you’re doing, head directly to your television, do not pass Go, and do not collect $200.

Season 2 premieres today (actually, last night), and it’s great so far. I was already psyched up for its release, but was also pleasantly surprised to see that for some reason, AppleTV+ has decided to take a sharp turn and — get this — actually advertise their amazing programming.

Severance pop-up in Grand Central Station -- actors are inside a glass cube that contains their desks and computers — Grand Central Station pop-up

I mean…a real pop-up with real set pieces and the REAL ACTORS?! We are so back.

I don’t know what changed over there in their marketing department but I’m really glad it did. Irritated it was post-cancellation of The Big Door Prize2, but hey, if it keeps the other good shows around I guess I’ll be okay.

Anyway, I’m a bit television-crazed this week, as you can see. I have, however — been online (of course). So, let’s get into the goods I’ve got for ya:

Chi-Town

Who doesn’t love a little local news?

One thing about Chicago is that we love a weird animal mascot. Chance the Snapper? Piping Plovers? The Rat Hole? We go absolutely feral over this kind of thing.

Well, the Aldi Coyote has entered the chat:

Cops Rescue Coyote From Humboldt Park Aldi In Viral Video Monday’s coyote incident comes more than 17 years after a coyote was captured inside a Downtown Quiznos in 2007. — via Block Club Chicago.

Had to keep that second line there to prove my point — we’re still talking about a coyote in a Quiznos from EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO.

But uh, yeah. “Rescue,” huh? I hope nobody tries to rescue me like this when I climb into the refrigerated section of an Aldi’s.

Interior of a grocery store, a police officer has one of those dogcatching sticks around a coyote's neck and it's very clear he does not like (thrashing to get away) — He mad

After he was captured, the coyote was sent off to a wildlife rehabilitation center to make sure he’s okay before being released back into the wild. Here’s a much more adorable photo of him in transit:

A cute coyote in a dog kennel with a blanket — Going Elmyra mode on this pic. I need to squeeze him

According to NBC 5, he’s doing well at the rehab center for now. Probably just disappointed he couldn’t get his paws on a big discounted ham or a bottle of Malort.

Billionaire boys

Well well well. Isn’t this interesting:

Bryan Johnson ditches longevity drug he took for years over concerns it could have aged him — and given him infections — via NY Post.

Ahem.

Alanis Morisette in car from Ironic music video — It’s like taking pills that were supposed to be anti-age, then finding out they aged you, when you already paid

Johnson said he experienced occasional skin and soft tissue infections, abnormal levels of fats in his blood, elevated blood sugar and a higher resting heart rate.

Abnormal levels of fat in his blood, eh? That’s not because he was…injecting matrices, was it? I mean look, obviously, I’m not a scientist but…just a thought.

This drug, by the way, rapamycin, is something he specifically mentions in his documentary. Kind of brags about, in fact, it while they intersperse talking heads of some doctors saying taking it is probably not a great idea. Hm.

I swear. I start working on a Deep Dive and the next thing I know he’s at it again. Bryan, please. Give me a couple of weeks to finish my work, then you can go back to doing *things* again.

Also, thank you to the New York Post for including the important bits in this article:

Rapamycin aside, Johnson has raised eyebrows for a regimen that includes eating dinner at 11 a.m., exposing himself to penis shockwave therapy and undergoing a multigenerational plasma exchange with his teenage son and elderly father.

Don’t let him get too in the weeds talking about medication — it’s important to remember that this guy exchanged plasma with his son and is regularly zapping his dong.

Oh, and one more thing. I just need to take a moment to drop this image:

Tweet from @bryan_johnson discussing eating red meat featuring an image of him as a silhouette with prayer hands saying "I come in peace"

Look guys. He’s a silhou-WET. Ahaha. Hahahaha.

I’m fine.

Wholesome fun

Tweet from @lycragun that says got homeade pasta and the guy's business card is piece of a flatbread — via Twitter.

EDIBLE BUSINESS CARD FROM SOMEONE WHO MAKES FOOD?!

Genius.

Also me: immediately eats the flatbread and loses the plastic wrapper with the QR code on it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Randomly selected animal cutie

Rats on rats, of course! (Okay, these are mice, but you get the idea.)

Love everything about them cramming themselves into their tiny home, which is a ~*COCONUT*~. Complete perfection.

I know I’ve been saying I want to get a pet rat, but what if I just got 15 mice and put them in a coconut instead? Really makes you think.

You’ll note I’ve downloaded and embedded this guy because…RIP (maybe?) to TikTok this weekend? I wonder if I should download and embed every TT vid I’ve shared here to keep newsletter continuity. 🤔 I’ll be honest, though — I’m not entirely convinced it will actually go away?? I may be in denial. We shall see.

That’s it from me today! I’m off to watch more of The Traitors, enjoy my 3-day weekend, and maybe seriously download a bunch of TikToks in case the app disappears for good. 😬 Have a good one!
K

Please don’t put in the newspaper that I overloaded my holiday.

We could have had a pop-up with the Hoof mascot. We could have eaten dinner in a real-life Giorgio’s. We could have gotten into the Morpho machine. Sigh.