Welcome to Deep Dives, a bi-monthly subsection of TMI! Here, I dive deeper into my thoughts about a topic that doesn’t fit in the weekly newsletter.
*NOTE*:
Today’s Deep Dive is, as usual, too long for email, so be sure to click “View entire message” to see the whole thing (or read it on the web or in the Substack app).
The other day, my hubby was setting up a grocery order for pickup. He asked if I had anything else to add, and I couldn’t remember the flavor of the particular Doritos I wanted so I went to Google to search for them.
It turned out to be the Organic White Cheddar ones! Honestly, I’m eating them right now, and they’re fucking delicious. They’re kind of like a milder version of the original Nacho Cheese. I’m currently trying not to house the entire bag in one fucking sitting.
Okay, I’m back. I’ve put the bag of Doritos in the kitchen as a deterrent. Here’s hoping they’ll last me a couple more days.
Anyway. Where were we?
Oh yes. I was searching the internet for chips. Once I found what I needed, I noticed there was an odd sponsored item in the results.
And look: If there’s one thing I hope you know about me by now, it’s that I’m not going to let that weird thing go without at least poking it with a stick.
So of course I clicked on it to see the listing:
And was left with many, many questions:
What is the thought process behind charging $500 for what is essentially just a big glob of Dorito seasoning stuck together (literally in the later images you can see the actual chip stuck to the other side!)? Who is the audience for this item? And why are you just holding it in your DIRTY OLD HAND?? Do you think someone’s going to eat a “chip” that’s been touched by a stranger with a 2” pinky nail? Is it intended for display only?
Then I scrolled down the page a bit further to the related items and there were THREE MORE “RARE” CHIPS LISTED.
At that point, I had to know more. How many of these things are out there??
So I went to the search bar and entered “rare shaped chip.”
There were, according to the search, 33 items — but searching a specific chip brand with “rare shape” nets even more entries. My guess after some preliminary searches? There’s somewhere in the hundreds of listings for sale on eBay.
It’ll come as no surprise that I spent way, way too long looking at these things. So today, I’m going to share some of my favorite eBay listings for weird chips.
Duck & Goose
First up, this Rare Duck Shaped Ketchup Chip-Rippled and Goose Shaped Cheeto!!:
These two come as a pair of birds — two different brands of chips and two different birds that this person clearly found on two separate occasions, then decided they made a set.
How long do we think they held on to the first chip, awaiting the arrival of the second? Were they eating both kinds in one day?
Here’s the seller’s description:
Rare Duck Shaped Ketchup Chip-Rippled.
Not altered it came right out of the bag and even has a slit where the eye would be. This is from a bag of Atlantic Canadian “Heavy Ketchup” President’s Choice brand potato chips only available in Canada perhaps even just Atlantic Canada. Preserved in a ziploc since day one.
Also just included a Goose shaped Cheeto from a bag of party mix!
You could open a thousand bags and never come across these shapes.
The perfect item for the collector who has everything already!
“President’s Choice ‘Heavy Ketchup’” chips? What the hell is going on in Canada?
I’m completely obsessed with the statement “You could open a thousand bags and never come across these shapes.” Are you sure, cashstop2001? Are you sure?
Also, I’m pleased that these are photographed in the aforementioned protective Ziploc bag. They’re wonderfully set to be preserved for eternity a few months.
Hat Shaped Dorito
Next up, this “Hat Shaped dorito sweet tangy bbq”:
Was this photo taken on a dashboard while someone was eating chips in their car?
Here’s the seller’s description:
What do we think, in this case, makes the flavor of the Dorito important — unless we assume the buyer may eat the chip? And if they’re going to eat the chip, why would they pay $10,000 for a single Sweet & Tangy BBQ Dorito, when they can probably get a whole bag for just a few bucks?
Is there someone out there with like a weird Findom kink where they want to buy a single chip for thousands of dollars to consume? (If so, tell them to call me. I’ve got an entire bag of chip shards here that look like Arkansas or something.)
I couldn’t find the listing on a second jaunt — I wonder if the seller decided to take it down after realizing it wasn’t quite as rare as they thought?
Woot? Chicken Foot
My third favorite chip? The Chicken foot rare cheeto. Tangy chili flavor:
I am one thousand percent sure I have seen this Cheeto shape before. But here we are again — another chip seller that thinks the flavor is important to report.
And they appear to have taken this photo on…their thigh? Or…a blanket draped over the back of their couch, perhaps?
Ultimately, the reason this one has ranked well in my choices is because of the seller’s description:
CHETO IN SHAPE OF CHICKEN FOOT.
Yes, indeed it is.
Cheeto Weaponry
In second place, the Rare Gun Shaped Flamin Hot Cheeto:
Photographed on a table of some kind, actually does kind of look like a little gun, and the pricing is absolutely spot on.
However, I’ll have to disagree on the rarity here: there are a lot of gun shaped Cheetos for sale (RARE GUN SHAPE Flamin Hot CHEETOS, Rare Gun Shaped Flamin Hot Cheeto, and Cheeto Shaped Like A 6 Shooter *RARE* just to name a few).
Chip Butty
Finally, we’ve reached my favorite find of the bunch: 🍑 Rare Find Alert! 🍑 Butt Shaped Chip:
I love that this half a million dollar listing has its own tiny stand and plastic box.
But the actual best part is the seller’s description:
🍑 Rare Find Alert! 🍑 Own a Thick Piece of Snack History with this One-of-a-Kind snack that looks like a snack the Butt-Shaped Potato Chip!
Are you a collector of the quirky and unusual? Look no further – with this glute-tastic chip we've got the ultimate conversation starter for you!
Up for auction is a singular Butt-Shaped Chip, handpicked with a look that'll make even Sir Mix-a-Lot blush, making it a true culinary marvel.
With its perfectly sculpted derrière, this chip is more than just a snack; it's a work of art, a testament to the whimsy of nature, and a guaranteed crowd-pleaser at your next gathering.
Whether you're admiring solo or sharing the laughter with friends, the look of the Butt Shaped Chip is guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a wiggle to your hips.
Don't miss your chance to own this unique item – bid now and add a touch of hilarity to your collection with the Butt-Shaped Chip! 🎉
This seller knows what’s really important: it’s not the chip’s brand, or it’s flavor — it’s the shape. It’s pre-boxed, ready to set alongside your most precious possessions. AND THERE ARE BUTT JOKES.
What more could you ask for?
Sold!
Now if you, like me, are wondering if any of these types of items actually sell, well — yes they do:
A dollar here, a penny there, until…
“A rare taki shape that you will never see ever again so here’s the last one buy” went for FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT DOLLARS. This little chip chrysalis had TWELVE BIDS. (Here’s the bidding history: the item started at $15.)
Why this one found a home, and what was done with it: I’ll never know.
I’d like to speculate that the new owner opened it, unwrapped it carefully from layers of paper towels and bubble wrap, set it on their countertop for safe keeping, and their dog ate it.
Honorable Mention
I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shout out to the purely geni-tastic Vagina Taki, Penis Puffed Cheeto, and my personal favorite, “Hot Cheeto Shape Like A Penis With Scruton 2” Long”1.
And I am also in love with this non-chip weird food item that popped up in one of my searches (which, as you can see, I’ve added to my watchlist):
A reasonable price for a butt shaped potato.
And if you’re wondering why it’s on my watch list, it’s so I can get emails like this:
That’s all I have to report today from the Rare Chip World™. Have you ever pulled a weird chip out of a bag, and if so, do you have a pic to share?? Also, would you ever buy something like this, and if so, what’s wrong with you?
Yes, scruton = scrotum, a typo I will laugh about until the day I die.
I am speechless. This is amazing. This is WHY THE INTERNET EXISTS
I will absolutely have to try these white cheddar doritos! I had no idea about the intense market for funny-shaped snacks, but I guess I might pay a little more attention to my snacks next time instead of housing them like I haven't eaten in decades.