Community Barrel of Old Rainwater

Internet round-up for the week of October 23, 2023

Hey friends, happy Friday!

It’s rainy here, again (kind of fun for our first week back but I am tired of it now), and I am trying to will myself to wake up fully¹ but I’ve decided it’s impossible and I will remain in a sleepy haze for the rest of the day.

The last week has just been constant unpacking, eating, cleaning, watching Naked Attraction, unpacking again, sleeping, watching Survivor and Amazing Race, sleeping, unpacking, eating — you get the gist.

I barely know what day it is half the time.

Besides the fact that the song is stuck in my head because I barely know what time or day it is (I do know it is Friday!), it poses a couple of very important questions which I will quickly attempt to answer:

Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?

Let’s start with the first one: Does anybody really know what time it is?

I believe the answer to this is both yes and no.

Yes, I “know” what time it is right now because I am looking at my laptop’s clock, and we as a society have agreed that this is “time” and it is “correct”.

But does anybody really know what time it is? Absolutely not.

Humans literally just made up time. And time zones. AND NUMBERS.

SOCIETY IS A CONSTRUCT!!

Secondly: Does anybody really care?

You have to care if you have an appointment and need to meet someone at a specific time for a thing. Like, if you’re supposed to be at the dentist at 10AM, you should be there at 10AM. People did manage to work things out before clocks, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy!!

Here is an example of a medieval pre-clock conversation:

Person 1: Hey, want to come over for dinner later?
Person 2: Sure. When should I arrive?
Person 1: How ‘bout like when the sun is kinda around the top of that tree over there?
Person 2: Sounds good, see you then.

Then all day you’re checking the top of the tree?? Gotta leave home and walk all the way to where you can see the tree and guess if you have another couple hours or only 30 minutes. Is there enough time to change into the second of the only two outfits that you own? Do you have time to wash your hair in the community barrel of old rainwater? Also should you be worried about this weird boil that just popped up??

So there are some instances where you should probably care (🎵 about time 🎵). HOWEVER. One of them definitely is not when you don’t have work and are just trying to get your life back together in your new apartment.

ANYWAY. Let’s dig in to the goods from this week:

Rat City, Bitch

Rats are back in the news, baby!!!

via the NY Post

I’m pleased to see the correct adjective here in the headline: “sweet”. Is everyone done calling rats gross now, finally??

Just look at these little babes on their date:

True love is a donut dragged through subway detritus

“A HIGH VALUE MAN,” one user commented.

Can you believe we just live in the world with these little guys that like to eat our trash, and we get to watch them do cute and thoughtful things?? 🥺

Rich Dudes Are At It Again

We need to talk about one of the Presidential candidates in Argentina’s next election. Not because of his politics, but because of this (gifted NYT link 😊):

THE MAN HAS 5 DOGS AND THEY ARE ALL CLONES OF HIS ORIGINAL DOG.

It’s giving “Welcome to my lair.”

EVERY DOG IN THIS IMAGE IS BIOLOGICALLY IDENTICAL.

Also: Why does this guy look like he’s about to reveal the intimate details of his plan to kill the Batman? These puppies should be named Henchman 1 through 5.

I think I found my next Halloween costume

I’m not like against cloning or anything. It’s kinda cool, as a concept. Lord knows I’d KILL to have my dog back. But there’s like tons of dogs without homes out there that need to be adopted! And this man is spending THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on having the same dog again and again?? He may not be taking 200 pills a day, but honey, this is rich dude shit!!

I have a lot of questions about this man, and while the piece does answer a few (how much did that cost, how many dogs are there) it also creates exponentially more.

And at his rallies, he has held aloft paintings of his dogs, which he passes out to the crowd before picking up a roaring chain saw, his go-to metaphor for the deep cuts he wants to deliver to the Argentine government.

Are the paintings like REAL PAINTINGS that he is passing out to the crowd or are they just prints (painting clones)? Does anybody have one now or do they have to give them back at the end? He’s not chopping the paintings with the chainsaw, right?

Once the clones arrived in Argentina, one began responding to “Conan” and seemed to enjoy the same television show as Mr. Milei’s previous dog, so Mr. Milei named the clone Conan, Mr. Gillespie said Mr. Milei told him.

WHAT SHOW?? The Dog Whisperer? Dog, The Bounty Hunter? Reservation Dogs?

Argentine news outlets have also reported that Mr. Milei has privately said that he has received strategic advice from his dogs.

What kind of strategy are these dogs good at? Maybe one of them does social media, and one suggested getting out the chainsaw at campaign events? I guess we’ll find out if they know what they’re doing soon enough. If he wins, other politicians might want to hire them. Will he let them work for someone else?

I NEED TO KNOW WHERE MILEI STANDS ON DOGS HAVING JOBS.

Wholesome Fun

@angelagiarratanameatballWho can relate #funny #idoit

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Who amongst us hasn’t been extremely concerned about being underdressed any time they go anywhere ever?

I Can’t Stop Thinking About This

This video has given me so much anxiety about a mistake that I never imagined making but now fear with every fiber of my being.

@elysemyersnot so sweet 16 🪪 #coffeetalk #theadhdway #dmv

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If this ever happened to me, I would just go ahead and die. I would never drive again. I would spend every dime I have² on a personal chauffeur.

I have spent an unreasonable amount of time in my life trying to avoid taking driver’s tests. I literally never got a license in California because I knew I was going to have to take another written test and I didn’t want to. I renewed my IL license this year and it never got forwarded to me (because mail) so I have to go to the DMV to get another copy at some point. I don’t want to talk about it.

Randomly Selected Animal Cutie

@djangosmilesCarrots AND Green Beans! oh my! #fyp #foryou #dogs #dogsoftiktok #smile #tastetest #vegetables #homegrown #garden #beanstiktok #fart

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I love this sweet little doggie farmer enjoying his veggies!! Also dying over the fact that his owner is like “let me wash them first!” like a dog gives a shit if he is eating dirt. Adorable.

That’s it from me this week! I’m going to eat, then unpack, then watch tv, then go to sleep. One day all my things will be put away and organized and my life will go back to normal. (Sadly, today is not that day.)
K

1. FTR: I don’t drink coffee because it’s too bitter, and also caffeine puts me to sleep (I have no explanation for this). Usually washing my face is my morning wake-up routine. Sometimes it is not enough, and I am tired all day.

2. Considering I remain unemployed, this is a very, very low number of dimes.