Family Toothbrush

Internet round-up for the week of February 24, 2025

Hi friends! Happy Friday!

I am wonderfully content this morning — the sun is out, the radiator is cranked, and I’m sitting at my desk eating cereal in a tank top pretending it’s mid-June. It’s the little things, right?

It’s been another busy week over here, lots of Internet Time™ and content corralling and keeping up with TV. I’m excited to get started on the last tranche of Love is Blind episodes today — as expected, everyone was as weird and annoying as possible during the last one.

Interestingly there was less trauma inflicted from the quintuplets than I expected — Dan (Instagram guy) actually wasn’t lying about following Taylor on Insta, it seems, so that might’ve all been on her. Ben did make a woman cry on TikTok and then got real shifty as soon as he was questioned, but we’re still waiting to see how the rest of that plays out.

Dave, on the other hand, is one of the worst people on the planet, and is clearly trying to break up with Lauren because she doesn’t have lip filler by portraying himself as a victim because prior to coming on the show she hooked up with a guy that some of his friends know. Also, he won’t stop talking about his sister, who, from his description, sounds like golden Charlize Theron in a perfume ad. Can’t wait to see her.

But the most disturbing part of the episodes, for me, didn’t feature gaslighting, cheating, or shitty men. It was the Communal Family Sock Basket™ introduced by none other than one of the women, Monica.

Get you a man that looks at you the way Monica looks at a basket of socks her entire family wears. (via Netflix)

Yes, you’re understanding correctly: everyone in the family shares the socks in that bin.

All their clean socks get put away here, and everyone just grabs whatever pair they’d like for the day (or whatever they “need,” as she said). How are these socks not stretched to shit? Everyone in your family has the exact same size feet?

What if everyone needs socks at the same time? You’re all just crowded around this laundry basket on the floor digging through it like animals? What if two of you want the same pair? Do you have to do Paper Rock Scissors¹ to see who gets them?

Can you imagine thinking about how nice it’d be to put on your favorite pair of socks because they’re the softest and most comfortable but then you see your Dad walk out the door in them? What is going ON?

And look, I understand they’re clean, but like — ew. To me, socks are underwear. That’s the stuff that’s up against your skin getting covered in sweat all day. The only way I’m borrowing a pair of socks from someone is if every sock I own has disintegrated. Do you guys all have one family toothbrush, as well? (Please say no.)

To make things worse, she’s on TikTok claiming she’s “receiving messages” from other people who also have communal sock bins, and advocating for “everyone to have them”:

Okay and they have a box of “forbidden socks” that no one wants to throw away? These people are terrorists.

Also, just to add to their overall vibe — her family announced during their short feature on the show that it was time for a Fam Jam™, which is apparently their special time to all pick up instruments they can’t play and make noise at each other while a television crew is in their home.

Jail for this family for a thousand years.

Anyway — looking forward to seeing all of these couples turn each other down at the altar and then rip each other to shreds in the reunion episode. I think next time a new season of this show comes out I might actually write up a Deep Dive. (Not me making plans for yet another thing I barely have time for!)

Now let’s go ahead and get into the news of the week so I can go stare at Monica’s feet and wonder whose socks she has on:

Deep sea freaks

I swear, not a day goes by that some gruesome creature isn’t pulled from the ocean.

This week, a fisherman pulled this fucking alien skull monstrosity up:

I don’t want to be on the same PLANET as this thing

They’re telling me this is called a “Smooth lumpfish,” (aka the “Smooth lumpsucker²”) which honestly sounds like exactly the name I would make up on the spot after taking one look at this creature.

You will not be surprised to learn that I hate it.

We have enough going on these days without fishermen finding these fucking things and dragging them up above the surface of the water so they can get a good look at what’s going on up here. I think we’re done with seafood.

And by “we,” I mean all of us. It’s time we gave it up. If you dig a clam out of the sand yourself, you can eat it. That’s the limit. No nets, no fishing poles, no trawlers, no crabbing. What happens in the sea stays in the sea. The end.

Billionaire boys

Our old friend Bryan seems to have some concerns about an upcoming NYT story:

Here’s the rest of the thread if you’d like to see his thoughts — essentially, he’s done nothing wrong and the reporter is making a big deal out of nothing.

Obviously I will be following up as soon as the story is available. (Also, that promised Don’t Die Deep Dive is still in the works and I hope to have it out very soon!)

Wholesome fun

This one goes out to my fellow millennials!

I have watched this video I don’t know…300 times since I saw it earlier this week?

If it starts pouring down rain outside and your first thought is, “It’s time to recreate part of a JoJo music video,” you are absolutely correct. This is just so cute and fun and exactly the kind of thing I want to see when I am scrolling online.

Randomly selected animal cutie

This is objectively hilarious. This cat’s claws have to be so sharp??

The post calls him “the cat at the bike shop,” which I guess kind of means the little guy has a job. He goes out and…takes care of a few things, and then the bike shop has money with which to purchase him Fancy Feast. Smart fella.

I wonder how many times this has happened to someone and they had no idea. They hop on to ride their bike and their tire’s flat, and they can’t find anything stuck in it and don’t know that the culprit is hanging out somewhere in a little fuzzy cat bed licking himself.

That’s it from me! I’m off to finish up some work and dive in to the Love is Blind madness. Hope you have a great weekend!
K

1. I looked this up to see if the name of the game had hyphens in between each word, and apparently it is called Rock Paper Scissors? For some reason my brain cannot and will not accept that Paper is not the first and most important gesture in the group. Does everyone say this correctly except me?

2. Heh.