New Millennium Bean Party
Internet round-up for the week of June 22, 2026
Greetings, my friends!
I’m coming to you today from Hannibal, Missouri! Sadly, my hubby’s aunt passed away earlier this week, and we drove down yesterday afternoon to attend her funeral today (we’re headed back to Chicago tonight). On the positive side, we do get to enjoy a short visit with some of his family (although it’d certainly be nicer on better terms), which is always lovely.
This week, I did a fair amount of work (the usual, you know?), AND I got to attend another cool event for McDonald’s — this time, a trolley ride out to Joliet (about an hour away) to see their giant, 35-foot Fried Apple Pie.
Mickey D’s is bringing back the Fried Apple Pie for the first time since 1992 in honor of America’s 250th birthday, so they created this amazing spectacle off Route 66 to get the word out. And I, being the uh… important… um… fast food…er, internet… um… journalist… that I am, got to go hang and check this thing out.
We met downtown at the start of Route 66, right across the street from the Art Institute, where we boarded an ACTUAL TROLLEY and headed out to Joliet.
Along the way, their archivist/historian Mike (my old friend) quizzed us on fun historical facts and regaled us with interesting tidbits about McDonald’s history. Then we stopped and had Mickey D’s for lunch, of course. I got to try their Strawberry Watermelon refresher, and as a person who is not a big watermelon fan, I’m pleased to report that these are actually delicious (and I bought one again yesterday on our road trip because I enjoyed it so much).
Next, we arrived at THE PIE™.
LOOKIT THAT STEAM!!! (And Grimace, obvs.)
We got to taste test the pies, and let me tell you: THEY’RE GOOD. They’re soooo much better than the baked pies!! (We got pies again yesterday on the road trip, too.)
It was an absolute blast, and I only felt old once, when I had to show some young, hip influencers how to use a disposable camera (part of our cool swag bags). (To their credit, they knew where the shutter button was, but not that the film had to be wound between photos.)
Overall, it was definitely not a bad way to spend a Tuesday afternoon.
Otherwise: As always, Love Island is love-islanding.
Casa week has been absolutely fabulous. We’ve gotten to see most1 of the boys’ true colors come out, and let me tell you right now, those colors are: doo doo, poop, and barf. I hope every girl finds a new man except Trinity. If Aniya doesn’t choose Carl I am going to call in a drone strike on the villa.
We also started Widow’s Bay last weekend, and oh my GOD what a fantastic fucking show!! I’m not a big horror person, so I was a little nervous to start it, but it’s actually not nearly as scary as I expected it to be. It’s spooky, and there’s definitely some scarier parts, but it was totally tolerable for my mild sensibilities. And of course, it’s also really, really funny. We’ve seen everything except the finale up to this point, and I’m looking forward to finishing it up soon.
All that said, let’s get on in to the news of the week!
Headline of the week
All right.
Tell me more, BBC.
A man who says he is “full of beans” is spending four days and 10 hours in a bath of them to try to beat a world record.
Colin Jones, also known as Casey, has been covered in more than 14 tins of baked beans at a pub in Norwich since 08:00 BST on Tuesday and aims to stay there until 18:00 on Saturday.
Apparently, he’s trying to beat the record of 100 hours in a vat of baked beans held by someone aptly nicknamed “Captain Beany,” and I’ll tell you one thing: this looks like a really great way to get a world record yeast infection.
And look, I’m trying to get back to the original story, but there’s a caption underneath one of the Captain Beany photos that says “In 2010, Captain Beany founded and led the New Millennium Bean Party,” and obviously I need to know just what the fuck that is.
Okay. We’re learning together now… Captain Beany has his own Wikipedia page.
In April 2009, Beany was awarded the title of “Great British Eccentric of the Year” by the Eccentric Club in London. He also officially transformed his council flat into the Baked Bean Museum of Excellence, with British writer Danny Wallace presiding over the opening ceremony.
I’m sorry. THE BAKED BEAN MUSEUM OF EXCELLENCE? (It’s sadly now defunct, so I can’t plan a vacation around visiting it. Ugh.)
The Wikipedia page also features all the election results for the New Millennium Bean Party for the last 26 years (it was founded in the millennium, duh). (I’d like to look deeper into the party platform and these election results, but as I’m now currently riding in the car and trying not to get motion sick, they can wait for another day.)
At any rate, best of luck to our boy Casey! Can’t wait to see if he makes it.
Brands a-branding
Little to say here today, other than this:
Speaking of baked beans: I ate the popsicle beans. More to come on this front.
Billionaire boys
Ol’ Beej has had a fun week online.
Kate posted about her skin health, and he shared her post with this gem:
That story was picked up by the New York Post, who found it within their hearts to write this incredible (and very necessary) line:
“With a near-perfect punani and a face that’s aging in reverse, Kate Tolo is a billboard for longevity.”
Poetry, really.
And, credit where it’s due, this one made me laugh out loud:
He also got his eyelids “poked 160 times with a 4mm probe,” which is surprisingly not a euphemism (for once), and I actually found this person’s theory that Bryan will one day have his organs replaced rather interesting — definitely one to keep in the files.
And for the first time in my memory, he shared an anecdote about ALL of his children, not just Talmage (their faces are blurred in the attached photo). Curious.
Randomly selected animal cutie
My favorite animal-related drama this week has been surrounding this poor, sweet pup who had to sit idly buy at a Miami Marlins game and watch another dog live his dream life.
THE SLOW BLINK.
The video from their “Bark at the Park” night ended up going viral, and the Marlins put out a call online trying to find this poor fellow. And…they did! Jonah the dog will be invited back for a “dream day” at the park, which I’m hoping includes hot dogs and a game of fetch. Have fun, buddy!!!
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to, well, keep riding in the car for the next few hours before arriving back at the house and settling in to watch the post-Casa recoupling — and then, tomorrow night, we’re seeing Weird Al at the United Center (woohoo!)!! Have a great weekend!!
K
Not King Bryce, obviously.
Giant apple pies AND Weird Al in one week?! You're living the life!