Pickle Inception
Internet round-up for the week of May 18, 2026
Heads up: Substack is telling me this post is too long for email. I refuse to make cuts because that’s what self-editing is all about. You may need to come to the site, app, or click “view entire message” to see everything.
Hello, friends! Happy Friday! I’m BACK from Pennsylvania, BACK at my desk, and my BACK is still reeling from my 18+ hour road trip (there and BACK, of course) last weekend.
I had an absolutely fantastic time at the St. Nell’s reunion! It was such an amazing group of folks to hang with (as evidenced by this photo from the wonderful Mindy Tucker):
I loved getting to meet some of my online buddies IRL and just talk humor and comedy shop for two full days.
The weekend FLEW by, but I still had plenty of time to hang with pals, learn some new tips, and NOT eat a scone because THE SCONE PLACE WAS CLOSED. 😫
Devastating, of course, but something to look forward to on the next trip! (I’ll be sharing some more pics on my Instagram either tonight or tomorrow, once I go through everything and choose my faves!)
Survivor 50 ended this week, and well, what a season. I’ll be honest, I’m tired of twists! The final three, Joe, Jonathan, and Aubry were, by my personal rating, solidly in the “meh” tier.
The finale was also kinda lame!! There were so many Survivor greats there, and they barely spoke to anyone. I’m hoping Season 51 picks back up. Less opportunities to lose votes, and more opportunities to watch people simply play the game, please!
Otherwise, this week has been SO VERY busy! We got home pretty late on Sunday, but I still managed to get some sleep before going right back to work on Monday morning. As always, I’ve been chugging along writing tons of stuff, and still have lots more to get to (truly, what else is new?).
So, without further ado, let’s get on into the goods from this week:
Brands a-branding
Excited to share that it’s that time again — the Wienie 500 was today!
All the usual suspects were back again this year, including a new challenger: Corn Dog. (It’s the one in the picture below with a stick on the end, which the announcers suggested could provide extra “aerodognamics.”)
As always, they interviewed the crews while saying things like, “I’ve never seen this many wieners ready to go!”
Obviously I was rooting for Chi Dog after they were unceremoniously ROBBED last year. Andy Richter had been named “Commander in Beef,” apparently, and sung the Oscar Meyer Weiner song with this a cappella group to kick off the race.
Each of the crews got their own special intro video (Corn Dog’s was my fave):
They even took a moment to show us the actual “aerodognamics” of the Wienermobiles, while the announcer mentioned that last year they drove “three wide” but he expected to see more of a “tip-to-tip strategy” this year.
We took one last look at the fans…
And then, the dogs were off! The announcer said it wouldn’t be long before “these wienies get hard to handle, and you have to grab them with both hands,” then called them “slippery,” and encouraged them to “slide those wienies inside openings.”
As the race went on, the Chi Dog took a swing at Seattle Dog as they tried to pass, knocking them all the way to last:
Slaw Dog eventually pulled ahead, but couldn’t keep their lead.
And New York Dog overtook them to win the race.
The crowd hilariously started booing immediately. I’m not sure who, exactly, they wanted to win, but it sure as hell wasn’t New York. (Here’s hoping us midwesterners are sticking together, though they may also be “sticking” with Corn Dog.)
After the race, someone asked Andy Richter who he’d been rooting for, and he said Corn Dog because, he said, people often tell him “I have a stick up me.”
All in all, a perfect early afternoon treat.
Additionally, Bush’s Beans has some new flavors out for summer:
Apple Pie but no Jason Biggs, eh? Interesting. Also: Rocket Pop? Why? And WHY IS EVERYTHING PICKLES NOW?!
Fine. Tell me more about this freaky-ass shit, Bush’s:
Bush’s Dill Pickle Baked Beans: Tossed in a tangy sauce with a punch of dill pickle, Bush’s Dill Pickle Baked Beans serve up a bold, savory bite that stands out in any barbecue spread. Bright and unmistakably pickle, this unexpected twist brings just the right amount of zing to balance smoky, grilled favorites.
Bush’s Apple Pie Baked Beans: With a blend of brown sugar, cinnamon-spice and sweet apple pie flavor, Bush’s Apple Pie Baked Beans feature an indulgent, dessert-inspired twist on a classic cookout side.
Bush’s Rocket Pop Baked Beans: Bursting with notes of cherry, lime and blue raspberry, Bush’s Rocket Pop Baked Beans offer a sweet, playful take inspired by the iconic frozen treat. Nostalgic and very unexpected, this flavor packs a firework of fruity taste.
“Bright and unmistakably pickle.” Sigh. So, did like, Leonardo DiCaprio go into the minds of every single R&D team on the face of the earth and do a pickle inception on them? What is HAPPENING!?
And in what world do any of us need a “dessert-inspired twist” on BEANS?? What is this, England? Am I supposed to put this in a dessert jacket potato???
Also like…there’s nothing I’ve desired more in the world than notes of CHERRY, LIME, AND BLUE RASPBERRY along with my plate of BEANS. Delicious! I suppose beans are the musical fruit after all, so maybe this is all just far, far above my pay grade.
Billionaire boys
We’re so back.
This actually seems to be garnering some positive responses from women online — particularly because Bryan goes on to say that Kate has “suspected” endometriosis, and people are happy to hear that there might be some real, novel research done into women’s health.
I imagine this will also make their lives together easier, because how do you date someone who has a bedtime of 8:30 PM and spends half their day in the sauna without also doing those things? Obviously, it’s not impossible, but I imagine it’s less than ideal when you’re enjoying a sleeve of Oreos while your partner noshes on a big pile of pills.
Whether or not any of the research will be applicable to a human other than Kate or even remotely affordable for a regular person remains to be seen. At any rate, we’ve officially got a new billionaire girlie fully in the mix! Say goodbye to Taco Bell, and hello to having your genitals zapped, KT!
In other news, Twitter is apparently implementing limitations again, including a daily limit of 50 posts, 200 replies, and 500 messages. I assume this is intended to curb bot activity, but also seems to me like a good way to get the bot owners to create 400 new accounts that they can tweet from 50 times each. Excited to see the “Twitter has thousands of new users!” statistic next quarter.
Randomly selected animal cutie
Got a classic dog with its head stuck in a bag for ya today:
Honestly there’s nothing funnier than realizing the dog could probably have gotten out of the bag if he’d just released the sandwich, but now, why would he have done that?
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to enjoy my three day weekend by — you guessed it — being completely booked up with stuff to do and work to complete! Whee! Have a good one!
K
P.S. RIP to The Late Show, and best wishes to all of the fantastic people that worked so hard there to create over a decade of incredibly meaningful art.
I don't know. I need a hint of dessert in my beans when I think about Andy being at the dog race and Triumph not joining him.