Part-Time Snails
Internet round-up for the week of November 20, 2023
Hello, and happy (Black) Friday!
We’re back in Chicago this week — we left Texas on Sunday, stopped in Texarkana for the night, and then made it back late Monday night after driving (or passenger-ing, in my case) for 11 hours straight! It was a long day of liminal-space rest stops and ominously dark gas stations with a single flickering light inside, but worth it to sleep in our own bed.
Yesterday we made a delicious Thanksgiving meal (including the pumpkin pie I’m currently having for breakfast). I meant for us to have lots of leftovers to eat after we had dinner and second dinner but somehow there’s just not any food left? Wonder what happened there??
I for sure know it’s Friday today, and *Black* Friday, at that, because my inbox is full of sales emails from companies I *definitely* unsubscribed from years ago. I feel like once you unsubscribe they move you to a secondary list titled “Do Not Email Unless It’s Really Important, Like in The Case That There’s a Big Sale We’re Hinging Our Yearly Profits On1.”
And it’s not like unsubscribing is a one-step thing! You have to open every email, then find the unsubscribe link, then click it, then go to their website, then retype your email address and find whatever check box says “unsubscribe from all” (which is usually the inverse of the way the checks are set up automatically), click again, and then get a message that says something like “We’ve removed you from our list. It may take 7-10 business days for this change to take effect.”!!!
I’m sorry but WHAT is taking 7-10 days for me to stop receiving emails?? Is your database run by three snails on a part-time schedule? Is my request coming through via fax machine? Or are y’all really hoping that with another week of emails I’m going to change my mind after seeing the most clever marketing copy five white guys came up with then high-fived over in a conference room?
ALSO look…I am not over here acting high and mighty like I don’t check SOME of the sales emails I get. But I don’t want this many! (Also I’m more averse to everything trying to get me to spend money right now because I remain unemployed2. 🤷🏼♀️)
ANYWAY. Minus the couple of days spent on the road, I did get some time online this week, so here’s what I’ve collected for ya:
BBB (Billionaire Blood Boy)
As a Thanksgiving gift to us all, you know who graced us with another image from his nude weight room photoshoot.
Okay. I want to take a second here to commend this man for being open about his struggle with depression. It’s important to talk about when you have a platform, etc. etc.
Also kind of interesting that he was depressed even as a billionaire! Just goes to show that money can’t buy happiness, unless that happiness is an insane lifestyle that leaves you saying things like this:
I mean, that’s an important question, Autism Capital(???)! But there’s no way our boy is going to eat a real food item in its entirety, even on a food-centric American holiday.
But just because he’s not eating a feast on Thanksgiving doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to celebrate! Just look at his tablescape:
I do love how he just keeps releasing one photo at a time from this set, too.
Plus, the *mirror* angle in this one!! Can someone please track down Philip Cheung?? I really hope there are enough images for a set of playing cards, at least.
ALSO HE RELEASED A BOOK.
Writing as “Zero,” author Bryan Johnson is an entrepreneur and explorer of the new frontiers of being human. Johnson took stock of his health and realized that a decade of chronic depression and poor cognitive control earlier in life had affected every measure of his well-being. He decided it was time to fight back. In DON’T DIE, Johnson catalogs the social and philosophical strategies necessary for the fight, both individually and as a species. Johnson’s controversial ideas and methods have attracted both detractors and devoted followers around the globe.
I keep wanting to do a Deep Dive on this man but my Notes App is just getting more and more full. He’s so far ahead of me in releasing content I will never catch up, I fear.
El*n M*sk
What a week for this fancy boy! He’s decided headlines are actually cool and make total sense now, X is losing advertisers, his rocket went “boom”, and he’s filed a lawsuit leaving himself open to discovery.
🎵 Schadenfreude, darling, schadenfreude 🎵
Wholesome Fun
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I don’t know if this is real, and I don’t care. I keep laughing just thinking about it.
“His eyes are black, legit completely black like a shark’s eyes…Amazing pizza.”
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
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I love the taste test here, plus the dog using the motion-activated trash can for it’s purpose and not just to eat garbage (like my dog used to) — completely adorable. I do have to ask though — why are they putting the turkey on the ground at the end and letting the dog lick it?? We already established she likes turkey. Y’all planning on serving that to guests, or…?
Can you imagine going to someone’s house for Thanksgiving and finding out you’re eating part of a turkey their dog licked? Like, I’m absolutely an animal lover, but…
Anyway — that’s it from me this week! I’m off to have some real food (more pie) and catch up on The Golden Bachelor before the finale next week. Have a great weekend!
K
Or, I guess “On Which We’re Hinging Our Yearly Profits,” technically, but who really does grammar anymore?
I actually had what I thought was a pretty good interview for a new gig before we left for Texas, but then got a rejection from them a few days later. I noticed they’d stopped taking applications on that job req so I figured maybe they’d hired someone, but then they relisted it again yesterday! Very cool and not at all damaging to one’s psyche!!
The Bryan Johnson saga continues!!! ALSO I cannot wait to see the Golden Bachelor finale. I thought I knew who his final pick would be but after that last episode, not sure!!