Radioactive Weirdos
Internet round-up for the week of March 30, 2026
Hello, hello! Happy Friday, my friends!
It’s been a really lovely day here in Chicago — slightly overcast after a WILD storm last night, but enough sun for things to be pleasant, and it’s in the mid 50’s.
This week has, as usual, been VERY busy. But, I have returned from my outing to Ohio last weekend! I had a lovely time at the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop. I got to listen to some excellent speakers, learn more about my craft (my favorite thing to do), and hang out with internet buddies in real life!
Look at this fun group of gals!
And here we are in the photo booth:
(Hi Emily Bressler, Jennifer Haubrich, Nat Hrvatin, and Julie Vick!!)
Writing is a very solitary activity most of the time, so getting to sit around and talk shop (and shoot the shit) with a group of really funny, smart people is ALWAYS a good time. Even if you have to go to Ohio to do it1.
Now, all that said — let’s get in on in to the goods from this week:
Headline of the week
Sigh.
Nobody listens to me in this house.
Fine, fine. Tell me what you’ve done now, boys.
Beneath the neon lights of a laser-scanning microscope, newly classified species glow in vivid greens and oranges—a far cry from the pitch-black abyss of their natural ocean floor.
Compared to their shallow-water relatives—like common sand fleas tucked under seaweed on beaches—these deep-sea species have evolved in darkness for millions of years. The shrimp-like creatures with a unique conical mouth mostly measure around one centimeter.
Oh. So they’re small at least? Huh. Okay.
This is what they look like, I guess?
Cool, so we discovered a bunch of little neon freaks. Great.
According to the article, we’re unfortunately going to soon be doing deep sea mining right on top of these guys’ house. And while I may have a strong, strong contempt for all things under the ocean, let me make it clear I very, very much believe we should be leaving them alone to to whatever it is they want to do down there.
Now.
One thing about me: I am willing to admit when I’m wrong.
For all my constant complaints about scientists, WOW did I enjoy watching the Artemis II launch yesterday!! I’m not gonna lie, I got a little bit teary thinking about all the work that went into getting those very cool astronauts off the planet.
And then today I saw this gorgeous photo, too:
I mean come on, man. She’s gorgeous. Not to get too sincere on main, here, but like. Damn. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just…I dunno. Get along? Take care of her? Leave the little radioactive weirdos beneath the sea to their own devices?
Just a thought.
Brands a-branding
It’ll come as no surprise that brands went absolutely hog wild for April Fool’s Day this year. The thing that’s really perplexing to me, personally, is how they’ve started posting their pranks on say, March 30th, then waiting until April Fool’s to admit it was a prank. It’s like they all want to celebrate April Fool’s Week now instead of confining it to just one day.
PLUS, the fact that the algorithms no longer show us stuff in chronological order means that days later, the April Fool’s posts show up, and then they just seem like, well…announcements.
At any rate, Butterfinger ramen, Buncha Crunch dispensers at the movies, Doritos body wash, and really, really fabulous clear computer accessories from Logitech were just a few of the “new releases” announced as a joke this week. All mostly believable, some I’d actually shell out money for (honestly this is just cruel, Logitech — the people long for clear tech (and not AI slop)).
However, Costco has had a couple of very REAL new products this week: a 10-pound, giant, torso-sized chocolate bunny that has to be destroyed with hammers for Easter2 and a hot-dog themed (not flavored) bourbon.
And in case you missed it, a metric shit-ton of KitKats were stolen this week when some burglars nabbed a delivery truck carrying more than 400,000 of them. Nestle is so desperate to track them down that they actually have a site dedicated to figuring out if the KitKat you’re consuming is one of the stolen ones. Imagine Nestle police showing up on your neighbor’s doorstep the day after Halloween. Wild.
Billionaire boys
There’s always this kind of running joke that our boy BJ will one day, like, slip on a banana peel and that’ll be the end of him. Personally I am far more convinced that some “research” he’s doing is gonna be the real cause. (The man went to a tiny island for an experimental gene therapy, folks.)
Exhibit A:
I mean, come on now. Bryan, is that safe?? Cooking3 yourself for science?
Be careful in there, bud.
Randomly selected animal cutie
Check out this Chihuahua clown car. Where do they keep coming from??
I love these little guys.
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to finish up a little more work before settling in to watch The Pitt and actually relaxing for the first time in many, many days. Have a good weekend!
K
I’M KIDDING OHIOANS OHIO IS FINE. Open your Bucc-ee’s though, okay? I need Beaver Nuggets closer to me. Thanks.
Is this a metaphor?
His idea of an April Fool’s joke.
Yay, it was so fun to see you at Erma, and now I am obsessed with figuring out the Kit Kat truck heist!
Don’t know what’s better, the Chihuahuas or the people’s reactions to them