The Lord of The Land

Internet round-up for the week of October 30, 2023

Remember how last week I said I barely know what day it is most of the time?

Well, mark today down as the first time I *officially* thought it was Thursday all day. After running errands and sitting down to watch TV I realized the email I was perusing was titled “the Friday edition” and was like wait, WHAT? I immediately checked the Calendar app on everything within reach (all on Apple devices, so I have no idea why I thought one of them was going to be different) and realized it actually IS FRIDAY.

You know, the day when I’m supposed to write my newsletter.

FRIDAY’S NOT OVER YET! So I’m gonna do a little evening edition here before I finish catching up on The Golden Bachelor.

First off, it’s been a WEEK.

As I’ve mentioned over the past couple of newsletters, our apartment was kind of a disaster when we moved in. I sent a very carefully composed email to our building manager about it late Monday. Yesterday, we finally had a conversation with our landlord about it, which was…unpleasant. I won’t go in to all the details, but suffice it to say his reaction to our request for additional compensation for cleaning supplies and labor was, well: Landlord™.

Also, why are we still using the term “Landlord”?

Praise be unto He, the lord of the land, whomst hath many generations’ wealth bestowed onto Him from his Daddy, hath never worked a Real Job¹ a day in his lyfe, painteth over light switches, and placeth latex caulk in the tub whereth silicon caulk should be. Him whomst overchargeth for thine plot of land to call thine own, withholds forced heat, and chargeth a pet deposit. Kneel before Him and be thankful for thine opportunity to park on the street in the vicinity of thine residence.

The city should require customer service training for landlords. That is all.

ANYWAY.

I hope everyone had a fun Halloween! I did absolutely nothing Halloween-themed and didn’t even buy candy. I did, however, buy a part of a costume that I didn’t end up wearing! I’m not gonna reveal it yet though because I think I’m gonna use it for C2E2 next year.

We’re closer than ever to being fully unpacked, which is thrilling. I’m thinking a couple more weeks should do the trick and then we’ll be completely up and running. I cannot WAIT to get back to sitting at my computer all day writing dumb crap instead of trying to decide if I want to keep a duffel bag I haven’t seen or used in over a year.

I’ve definitely been online this week, but everything going on in the world right now feels incredibly heavy, so I’m trying to limit my time (who am I??). But, of COURSE I still have some goods for ya:

Friends ‘Til the End

I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about Matthew Perry passing away this week, which hit me surprisingly hard. As I mentioned in my Deep Dive about NSYNC, Matthew Perry was my first REAL celebrity crush throughout my teenage years.

THIS IS REALLY SAD NOW

Thinking about him sent my brain right back to my junior high self — the world as I saw it then, the things that I thought were SO important, my friends — it was kind of weird, and emotional, and it made me feel VERY OLD.

I was so obsessed with Friends during that time that when we had our weekly computer class in school, as soon as my work was finished I’d go to friendsplace.com² (no longer exists, but an example of when the internet used to be actually good) and read transcripts of Friends episodes. This was, of course, back when you could actually miss an episode of TV if you didn’t watch it when it aired.

Whenever I missed an episode (or sometimes just because it was an episode I really loved), I’d go straight to the site and read the transcript so I could just watch it in my head.³ Interestingly, it’s something I can point to as being the first time I was connected to an actual script and writing, not just the TV show itself.

I LOVED it. And of course Chandler was my favorite character because he was the funny one (plus he was very cute). In college, I watched all of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip solely because Matthew Perry was in it (though the show was also excellent).

I’m just really sad that he died so young! I know he had a lot of difficult struggles in his life which had caused a whole host of health issues, but it really feels like his time here got cut very short. RIP. 💔

I’m Still Thinking About This

Quite possibly the best Halloween costume I saw this year:

And yep, you guessed it — you know who replied:

What do we think the keywords he searches are so he can find any reference to himself online? “Tech CEO?” “Spending millions?” “To be 18 again??”

Also, this:

Apparently this was a bucket list item for him, so I’m glad he got to do it. I’m just disappointed that this wasn’t promotion for a new season of Flavor of Love (okay I just looked it up and he is married, sorry to his wife but we deserve this).

Wholesome Fun

This song from SNL this week made me laugh harder than maybe anything from SNL has made me laugh in…some years?

Nate Bargatze was a fantastic host, and there are some pretty great sketches in this episode too — but this one really took the cake. This is absolute Southern nonsense and I’m here for it.

Randomly Selected Animal Cutie

@prashantidogs#englishbulldog #dogsoftiktok #pet #puppy #dogs #fyp #parati #foryou #foryoupage #viral 🤍🤍🤍🤍🐶🐶🦋

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THE LITTLE BABY IS MAD. GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!

That’s it from me this week — I’m off to eat homemade enchiladas 😈 Not made by ME, of course, but by the only person in our house that can actually cook. Have a great weekend, and if you’re feeling down, just remember:

K

1. Butcher, blacksmith, call center technician.

2. Here’s what it used to look like per the Wayback Machine. I’m obsessed with the section that says “I would like to thank all those who participated in the beta test of my Lisa Kudrow ScreenSaver…” I am just now remembering that I used the Matthew Perry one when I got my first computer!!

The “Scripts” section is the part I used to read. I cannot imagine how long it took people to sit and transcribe these episodes — because they are transcriptions, not scripts. These folks probably had the episodes recorded on VHS and were rewinding and playing and rewinding and playing over and over. Thanks for making a 13 year-old girl’s life like 3x a week when she was able to get Online™, guys.

3. Where do you fall on the apple visualization test? No question I’m a 1 — I can “watch” a TV show by reading it. 🤷🏼‍♀️