Black Sheep

Internet round-up for the week of January 5, 2026

Hiya, pals! It is, once again, Friday. It’s been mostly overcast here in Chicago, but I’m pleased to report my radiator is up and running and I am quite comfortable sitting here next to it, roasting.

Yesterday it was nearly 50° outside and our radiators didn’t kick in at all so it was pretty chilly in here. I also seem to have this weird brain blind spot where I can never remember that we own a space heater until my toes are about to fall off, so it took me until about 3PM to start thawing out in the office. On the positive side, though, it felt positively balmy out when I went out to physical therapy.

It always amazes me how when the temperature drops to 50° from 80° in the fall, it feels SO cold and terrible, and then in the winter after a number of days in single digit temperatures, 50° feels AMAZING. Sidebar: Is it spring yet?

This week has been pretty good! I got a few things done, including some pieces for BuzzFeed and a podcast appearance over on Culture Dumpster to discuss Bryan Johnson’s new girlfriend, Kate, which was a blast (as always).

Overall, things have been relatively chill (other than the ~news~, of course). I’m trying to make a concerted effort to slow down this year — not necessarily to stop doing anything, but just to stop trying to do everything and at great speed. Being a little more purposeful, you know?

Of course, for the record: I do purposefully consume internet. Because I’m on it. On purpose. And speaking of being on the internet on purpose, here’s what I’ve scrounged up for ya this week:

Headline of the week

via The Guardian

More animals having a heyday near drinks! We love to see it!

According to the story, their shepherd was in the process of moving his herd to their winter shelter when he believes some of the sheep became distracted by acorns and wandered off. From there, they may have seen someone carrying a sack that looked feed-bag adjacent, and made their way into the grocery store looking for a snack.

Shopping

Anyway, the sheep hung out for a little bit (and pooped all over the place, obviously) before being shooed outside. Apparently, “the flock seemed particularly fond of the checkout area where shoppers and staff were present.”

I don’t even have to make a pun here, either, because the German Embassy in London seems to have gotten them all:

“50 runaway sheep ram-paged through a German supermarket in rural Baa-varia, causing shear mania on Monday morning,” it posted on X. “After breaking away from their 500-strong herd, the brazen sheep spent 20mins milling around in the Penny supermarket before ewe-turning and seeing themselves out.”

Excellent work, fellas.

I did snipe my favorite piece out of the video clips, though, which is the last of the sheep heading out of the store:

The little hop!!! 😍 I could watch this a thousand times.

Hope these guys enjoy being the black sheep¹ of their winter shelter.

Brands a-branding

Speaking of farm animals…

via Twitter

Taylor Swift has her Swifties. Beyonce has her Beyhive.

And Denny’s has its pigs.

Can’t tell if this is meant to be a reference to “Moons over my hammy” or if they just weren’t creative enough to come up with their own fandom name.

Allow me to quickly assist: Denizens. Dentines. Denninites.

Will being called a pig stop me from enjoying a meal there at 12 AM when the opportunity arises? No. Would I wear a t-shirt with this tweet on it? Probably.

Billionaire boys

Sigh.

Guys. Remember this…?

Well.

IT WAS REAL. IT WAS REAL! IT WAS REAL!!!!!!

Bryan Johnson DID go to Taco Bell.

I popped open YouTube this morning for a little white noise (read: this Balatro streamer I watch almost every day) and was greeted with THIS²:

Yes, that’s a video from Bryan titled “How Bad Is Taco Bell REALLY?”, with a thumbnail that appears to feature some disgusting AI-generated taco, I assume to match his androidesque appearance here.

Look: I just want to start by saying that the moment I saw this video, I knew deep, deep within my bones that Bryan Johnson was about to cross an unforgivable line.

And I was correct.

Because this video isn’t intended to tell us that Taco Bell isn’t all that bad. Instead, he spends twenty FULL MINUTES trying to tell us that Taco Bell is pure evil, and that eating it, “in his opinion,” could cause Alzheimer’s, cancer, and change your DNA.

I’m too lazy to pull up a scientific study right now, but I’d wager living an extremely regimented life in which you can’t give a seminar without carrying a gigantic air filter into the room probably isn’t great for you either, BRYAN.

You’ll love to learn that he’s out in the rain in the beginning of the video (and it continues to fall behind him throughout), maintaining his signature Dampness™.

And once he returns home with his haul, he immediately claims that there is oil “seeping” out of the Crunchwrap’s packaging.

Too scared to bring it into the house, are we?

Personally I have never experienced an oily Crunchwrap sleeve. They’ve been wet from SWEATING, though. Maybe the food is just WARM. IN THE BAG. Like it’s supposed to be??

Bryan then proceeds to open the Crunchwrap like it’s an origami crane to expose it’s innards:

That’s its exoskeleton. You’re opening its bones!!

The rest of the video is essentially just him opening and sniffing different menu items before telling you that if you eat one you’ll die, and if you enjoy them you have a severe addiction in between clips of people eating while making weird smacking noises and at least one oddly placed fart sound effect.

He also says, “To people who love Taco Bell, I understand you.”

Bryan, I don’t think you do. Because you bought an enormous feast and are letting it fully sog out and then saying how gross it looks.

What is the charge here, Bryan? Eating a meal? A SUCCULENT TACO BELL MEAL?

I know I’ve said in the past that although he has reveled in the idea of being called a cult leader, Bryan seems to be fairly harmless. I may come to regret that.

Randomly selected animal cutie

A tortoise for your trouble.

If anything can help me memory hole BJ bagging on my favorite fast food restaurant it’s a Galapagos Tortoise beak. Phew.

That’s it from me this week! I’m off to watch some more Balatro streams while also playing Balatro. Have a great weekend!
K

1. Okay, one pun.

2. I am not subscribed to his channel, by the way. The algorithm just *knows*.