Toxic Mustard Gas

Internet round-up for the week of November 24, 2025

Nov 28, 2025

Hey friends!! Happy Friday!!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was excellent! I made tiny pumpkin pies this year instead of one big one, and they turned out great. It was weirdly convenient and a lot easier to have bite-sized pie bits, other than the fact that I ate approximately 10x more pie because it was tinier.

Overall our Thanksgiving was quite nice — we spent a fair bit of the day cooking and then had a nice dinner, watched football and played some video games. Today, I’ve just been relaxing (I’m off work!), playing some games, and trying to buy cheap stuff off Cards Against Humanity’s Black Friday sale site1. So far, I’m mostly just devastated I didn’t get a 40-cent Labubu.

Speaking of Black Friday — anyone buying anything cool? I was a responsible middle-aged adult and used the sales to buy new underwear. Otherwise, I didn’t really see anything that felt like enough of a deal to take the leap. I so wish I’d had time to dig into Amazon’s trash heap again and see what kind of wares they were hawking, though. Maybe next Prime Day!

As I was glancing at the calendar this morning, I realized that after today, there are only FOUR FRIDAYS left in 2025!! I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone by. It’s WILD. At any rate, you can expect three more regular newsies before 2026, and the full year-end recap on December 26th. Also, I’ve already started putting together my writing stats Deep Dive, so that’ll be out at some point in the month, as well.

News-wise, the week has been pretty slow! I don’t have a ton for ya, but there’s always something going on on the internet. So, without further ado, here’s what I scraped up:

Headline of the week

Try a ‘fart walk’ to ease the pressure after that big Thanksgiving meal — via The Washington Post

Is this meant to replace the “cousin walk?”

And also, like…I’m sorry, WaPo, but isn’t…every walk…a fart walk…?

Are there people out there who are like, intentionally holding in all their farts while they walk around? I mean I can kinda get not wanting to release toxic mustard gas into the living room where everyone’s sitting around playing “Scene It? SNL Edition” after they finish their meal, but if you’re walking?

Crop dust away, people. And if you’re OUTSIDE?? Let ‘em rip. Otherwise you’re gonna end up getting rolled back to your house like Violet Beauregard because you attended a food-based holiday.

I’m serious. Just look at these Scientific Details™:

If our guts didn’t contain a set of complex gas control and dissipation mechanisms, we’d live our lives in extreme discomfort, ready to burst like a hot-air balloon. The gut makes about half a gallon of gas every single day.
Thankfully, our bodies are so efficient at removing gas from the insides of our guts — either by belching or farting, or through absorption into the bloodstream — that total gas content usually never amounts to more than 7-14 tablespoons at a time.

Sorry — absorption into the bloodstream? Has anyone made a hyperbaric chamber for farts? Honestly I have a feeling if you had one of those you could run people through before they went on a first date or had an audition you might make enough money to spend every dime you have on pills and olive oil to keep yourself alive forever.

Speaking of which…

Billionaire boys

Hope you enjoyed your holiday, BJ!

Tweet from @bryan_johson that says "Ave thanksgiving meal is = to smoking 7 cigarettes. Why and how to avoid..." — via Twitter

Bryan’s take on Thanksgiving is no surprise, of course. What IS a surprise, however, is this:

Tweet from @bryan_johnson that says "starting a new protocol" and features an image of a text message someone sent saying they "saw the anti-aging guy at the taco bell drive-thru" and has an image of a man in the drive-thru from inside the restaurant and it looks suspiciously like Bryan Johnson — via Twitter

I mean. Can’t be, right?

Enhance!

A closer zoom of the man in the drive-thru window

ENHANCE.

An even closer zoom of the man in the drive-thru window

A Buffy gif zooming in on her eyes and she squints suspiciously

Nah.

But if…maybe…is it possible he read some of my work? I WANT TO BELIEVE.

Bryan, please — PLEASE — allow yourself the simple joys of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Sample the stylings of cinnamon twists. Slam that Baja Blast, my guy. There’s absolutely no way it’s as bad as 8 cigarettes. And is in fact, probably better than any cigarettes.

Is Taco Bell becoming a staple in the longevity community? Because the experiments I’ve been doing for the past few decades seem to prove that you can, at a minimum, continue living if you eat Taco Bell2. At least, that’s the conclusion I’m choosing to draw here. Science, am I right?

Tweet from @uberstuber that says "🙅Don’t Die 👉Live Más" and features the image of Bryan Johnson with his plasma but the plasma is Baja Blast colored — via Twitter

I still haven’t forgotten he said he’d eat a fast food meal if he got enough likes on his post. The anti-agers yearn for the Bell!!!

Randomly selected animal cutie

First up, you should check out the snowy owls that are hanging out at Montrose Beach in Chicago right now (I reeeeeeeeeally wanna try to snap a pic of them to mark down in my Merlin bird tracking app!!).

And then secondly: I was laying in bed last night scrolling through TikTok when I came across this guy:

I simply could not stop giggling. He’s SO sweet and I love him and also oh my god it’s going to take him 3 years to eat that entire tortilla because he so worried he’s going to hurt it. I love him.

That’s it from me today! I’m off to do a little laundry, watch some football, and hang out with the hubs. Have a great rest of your holiday weekend!
K

You should definitely click through a couple times today and see what ridiculous stuff they’re offering. It’s…wild.

Logic.

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