Happy Friday, gang!
Hope everyone had a great week! I got back from KC late Saturday night and have been super busy while also trying to catch up on sleep all week.
I had two recruiter screenings scheduled for tech writing jobs which was pretty stressful (I haven’t had any positive responses to applications since November!) — one I think went well, but I’m not sure I was qualified enough and they’ve already rejected me, and the other the recruiter never showed up for (I emailed her and she said she was locked out of her Zoom account, so we’re rescheduling). Sigh.
Honestly, even though it wasn’t ideal, I’m happy that I at least got some responses to my applications? It’s been radio silence for a few months, so I think the revamp I did of my resume seems to be helping. Obviously my preference would be a more creative-type writing gig, so if you know of one, send it my way! I would like to have money again please!!
Also, like — are companies running out of names?? This week I perused job listings for: Yudrio, Zeezy, Azibo, Toloka, and Camunda. What is going on??? That list sounds like roll call at the fucking Mos Eisley Cantina. Also Camunda calls their employees “Camundi.” The world is truly burning down around us, and we are powerless to stop it.
Otherwise, I’ve been working on a couple short satire pieces and trying to get myself organized a bit. I was so inspired after AWP and learned about so many new outlets to submit work to, so — as always — I’ve started too many projects, and I need to figure out a solid order in which to work on them so I can actually finish a thing.
Anyway — as usual, I’ve been perusing the world wide web. So, here’s what I’ve got for ya this week:
Air Trouble
Look, we’ve all heard about the door flying off the Alaska Airlines flight by now. That whole situation did absolutely nothing for my general fear of flying, which was ramping up because I had to get on an airplane to go to Kansas City. Now that my trip is over, I can talk about planes freely again. Just in time for this:
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
How — HOW did someone waltz through security with FISH FILLED WITH MAGGOTS WRAPPED IN NEWSPAPER? That bag had to fucking REEK. And no one said anything? I guess once the passenger popped their shoes off everyone just assumed they were the worst smelling feet of all time?
And the TSA can’t like…see maggots moving with the X-Ray machine?? I’m worried about bringing my nail kit on board but ROTTING FISH IS OKAY?? Y’all made me take a container of salt out of a carry on so you could wipe it down with a little alcohol pad to check for bomb accoutrements, but MAGGOTS ARE FINE? All my skincare has to be in a perfectly sized Ziploc bag but we can just wrap up LOOSE FISH in the CHRONICLE??? Babe!!!
Also like…damn bro, can you not be away from your dirty old rancid fish for a whole week? Gotta make sure it goes with you on vacation, huh?
How is this not illegal?? This was an international flight. You can’t bring a piece of fruit or an open box of cookies, but — fish???
NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BRING FISH ON A PLANE, AT ALL. For any reason. It’s not necessary. Fish is a liquid over 3.4 oz. We’re done here.
Interesting Reads
For those of you that watched the Super Bowl halftime show on Sunday, you might find this thread interesting.
Essentially, the internet is being scrubbed of Alicia Keys’ slight flub at the beginning of “If I Ain’t Got You.” The “official” version that now exists on YouTube has been cleaned up.
Many years ago, I read about this study1 — the gist is that humans are sort-of wired for shortcuts. We’re more likely to remember where we can find information (in this study, the names of stored folders) than the information itself. So, if we watch an event like this live, we may remember it — but without it handy, we might need to go looking for the video. We’ll know where to find it, but when it differs from our memory, who do we assume is correct?
We know we’re fallible, but we also know we heard it…right? Considering how many of us are convinced the correct title of the children’s book series is is The Berenstein Bears, I’m really interested to see how this affects our collective memory going forward.
Wholesome Fun
We’ve talked about Malort before (awful, terrible, worst). Probably one of my favorite things ever is to watch people drink it for the first time (especially if those people are not me), so here’s the “Can it Kirkland?” guys from TikTok giving Malort a taste test.
Rich Boy Joy
He’s baaaaaaack.
BRYAN. You don’t have to do this, Bryan.
He linked to his erection tracking device in a threaded tweet2. Do we think he’s getting kickbacks? He has to be, right? Millionaire affiliate links? I mean, he’s gotta make money for his pills somehow?? The olive oil may not be enough to sustain his lifestyle.
Truthfully? It could be the affiliate or sponsorship cash, but I think he’s probably just here to get rizzed up by his legion of adoring fans.
I remain disgusted, confused, and enthralled by this man.
Shameless Self-Promotion Corner
I realized in all my AWP madness last week I neglected to mention that I’m now part of a team of 2 cool cats running social media for The Belladonna Comedy! 😎
I love The Belladonna and I’m so excited to be a part of the crew. Plus, this gives me an excuse to nerd out over social media algorithms while promoting tons of amazing work by fantastic writers!!
So give us a follow over on Instagram or Twitter!
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
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Obsessed with the finished project, but also with the rabbit being in the middle of everything he’s doing. The best part is definitely him using the rabbit itself as a measuring device for the doorway. Adorable.
That’s it from me! I’ll be out here doing the damn thing, whatever that means. Have a great weekend!
K
Can’t believe this was in 2011. Also, ironically, I remembered all the details/data from this but not the name of it, because I didn’t know what it was. I had to search it to find it, but I remembered enough information to do that. Brains are weird.
They have, apparently, sold out of their pre-orders?? $190-ish dollars for a dick device. A chubby calculator. A stiffy scaler. Hope you got a good cut, Bryan!!
I am so glad I read this AFTER my Delta flight today! And congrats again on the Belladonna role! So exciting!
BRYAN NOBODY ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR ERECTION DATA