Huge, Solid, Thick and Tight

Internet round-up for the week of October 16, 2023

Happy Friday, friends!! This week has been WAY better than last week.

First off: we found the router! I’m on the real internet today and not getting nastygram messages from AT&T about my data usage. 💁🏼‍♀️

We’ve also gotten a LOT done in the apartment. There has been a ton of cleaning to do, but we’re making really good progress and are starting to see some of the rooms take shape. Yesterday we got our desks placed in the office (I had to buy a new top for mine because they were too long to sit side-by-side) and today I’m hoping to actually get my computers set up!! (This bodes well for me being able to play Baldur’s Gate 3 again very soon!)

I am still buried under hundreds of emails, but hopefully once I get my desk all set up I can sit at it for hours to catch up on all my Substack newsletters.

While unpacking, we binged the most recent season of Love is Blind, which was just a complete and total mess?? Like, don’t get me wrong — I *want* reality shows to be dramatic and messy, but this one was just a little too much. Plus, only two actual couples made it very far out of the pods which I think really made the whole thing less fun.

I dug into the new season of Glow Up as well, which I’m loving, plus am finally caught up on Survivor and The Amazing Race. If there’s one thing taking tons of crap out of boxes is good for, it’s watching every TV show you haven’t had time to get to in the past month!

I’ve still also had some downtime to play around on my phone, so here’s the goods from this week:

Billionaire Blood Boi

Remember how I said last month that the anti-aging, wet pics next to dad, can’t find a girlfriend, house filled with scientists Blood Boi™ had an actual personality, and I thought he might even be funny?

Yes, I’m talking about this guy:

I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO IS TAKING THESE PHOTOS

Well, I take it all back. Look at this exchange:

If the man had hired a fancy PR or social media team, did they all quit??

Like, I love the casual use of the phrase “Bone derived mesenchymal stem cells.” But can we discuss “I am Many”? Are we assimilating folks now?

Yass, queen.

Honestly feeling really bad for him that he elected to post a nude photo of himself holding a kettlebell over his junk in his forest-wallpapered weight room after proudly (and constantly) sharing all of the insane (and expensive) medical procedures he’s had done in an attempt to defeat nature and is being “shamed” for it. That’s rough stuff.

Also I thought he said hate would feed him? I guess it’s just 600 vitamins and extra virgin olive oil¹.

At least this kind replier seems to be a fan:

El*n M*sk

Twitter announced this week that new accounts will have to pay $1 a year to use the site. It’s supposed to be free to read, but you have to pay to tweet or retweet. Another attempt to “curb bots” or whatever. 🙄 For now, it’s just new people signing up, but the instant existing users start getting charged, I will officially be OUT.

And also, the bots are paying $8 a month for Twitter blue. Why would they not pay $1 a year?? I seriously foresee ONLY bots signing up at this point.

WE ARE THE PRODUCT!! People should never have to pay to use a social media site.

I don’t think I pay to use any apps other than streaming services! Like once in a while I spend .99 on Candy Crush when I’m having a bad day?? But that’s AT MY LEISURE. Not for the ability to play!!

Rat City, Bitch

I am obsessed with NYC’s new Transit app (read this article from Kotaku), which has details about the number of rats at each subway station.

Dubbed “the great NYC Subway Rat Detector,” the feature was rolled out in early October after the Transit app “first started asking subway riders to report rats in August,” Stephen Miller, a spokesperson for Transit, told Kotaku over email. Miller said that results are updated daily and show reports from the past 30 days, with a dedicated page for people to check the rattiest subway stations, input specific stations to see rodent info, and learn more about rats in general, like when the little cuties are most active (“swarms [peak] just after 2 am”).

This screenshot from the app is sending me:

via ANT2RA on Twitter

How many rats are at this station? Choose from our varied measurement system of None, One or Two, or SO MANY. Sorry not sorry that I’d always be checking the app and diverting to a SO MANY station so I could peep lil ratties.

Just as a reminder — Chicago is the rattiest city in America. NYC is number two.

So who’s the real SECOND CITY, huh?? Chicago: number one in rats and number one in my heart!²

Good Reads

Check out this interesting thread on why whales don’t have high rates of cancer.

Randomly Selected Animal Cutie

WARNING: TEAR-INDUCING VIDEO AHEAD.

@robertirwinWow. This was a special moment. I think Dad would be pretty proud that we’ve become the first to successfully breed the turtle that he discovered. A rare, and unique species under threat in the wild has just been given a second chance.

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I loved Steve Irwin so much and I was really sad when he died. (Fuck all stingrays, forever.) It’s really amazing to see his kids carrying on his legacy. 🥺😭 Also, LOOK AT THE TINY BABY TURTLE!!

For something a bit lighter, go see Fritz poking his head through a little window to see what his keepers are up to.

That’s it from me this week! I’m off to set up my desk and then take one billion boxes down three flights of stairs to the dumpster later tonight so I can try to see a rat. 🐀 😎
K

1. If you buy this $69 olive oil I will drive to your house and put an end to your anti-aging journey myself.

2. Okay honestly we’re in second place until we get some kind of rat tracker app.