Happy 2nd Birthday, TMI!

Internet round-up for the week of April 15, 2024

Apr 19, 2024

Substack is telling me this post is too long for email and I refuse to take anything out, so you may need to click “view entire message” to read in your inbox or the link at the top to read on the web! (Self-editing is for losers!)

Happy Friday, friends — and Happy 2nd Birthday to TMI!!

Image by fredy martinez enamorado from Pixabay, poorly edited by me

Shoutout to my first-ever post on Substack, last year’s birthday post, and the ever-growing archive! And also shoutout to the fact that I actually have a logo to celebrate with this year!!

I honestly can’t believe I’ve been writing you an email every single Friday for the last two years. Crazy how time flies, huh? Just keeps on moving, and moving, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it — no matter how many pills or olive oils you drink, Bryan Johnson.

It's Bryan Johnson, of course! This is the image he took shirtless with his son standing behind him. In the original, they're holding up little vials of blood (I believe this was an article about their swapping), but I've covered those with two chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting. — Aww, thanks guys! Sorry to BJ Jr but your dad is not gonna let you eat that :(

I’m incredibly proud that this little project I started for fun is still going, and I’m still enjoying putting it together every single week. I really love the Substack community (I’m going to post on Notes more, I keep telling myself) and I love that I have a little space carved out for myself online. And even when I’m not getting regular work published (feels like almost never, these days 💅🏻), working on TMI means I’m always writing and getting those reps in.

Thanks to all of you who regularly join me here to talk about rich weirdos, unnerving sea creatures, and sentient mushrooms! You guys are what makes TMI great. ❤️

Now, onto the jazz from this week:

Rat City

Thanks to friend of TMI

Sarah Gardner

from

Cult of Friday

for bringing some fabulous Rat Content™ to my attention this week (and also — Sarah, thank you for thinking of me when you saw Rat Content™). Check out the adorably hilarious “Ideas for the New York City Officials Implementing Rat Birth Control” by Meg Richardson for The New Yorker.

And in additional Rat News™, the city of Chicago is doing a little construction:

Headline and subheading that read: Oz Park’s Giant Underground Rat Colony Getting Evicted For New Playground The playground needed upgrades due to rotting wood and “one of the largest rat beds in the city of Chicago,” Ald. Timmy Knudsen said. — via Block Club.

Look. I’m all for getting a new playground — the article mentions that the wood was narsty and giving kids splinters. It clearly needs to be revamped.

But I was particularly perturbed by this quote:

As for the rats, it comes with the territory of living in a big city, she said.
“I never feel like that’s just an ‘us’ problem,” Wilson said. “I know that issue has a lot to do with environmental factors. It happens where people live and where animals live and the intersection of those two things. But I can’t imagine being on that bulldozer. That must have been a sight to see.”

GUYS. Did they not…KINDLY REMOVE THE RATS before a BULLDOZER went to town on the playground??

Come on now! Y’all couldn’t like, put a line of cheese all the way down to Gary, Indiana or send these guys on a tiny cruise ship across the lake into Michigan or something?? This is rat gentrification!! Cruel!!

And like, are you guys trying to traumatize Billy Gerhardt (sorry for the niche The Curse of Oak Island reference1)?!

I, for one, think we should build a tiny rat apartment complex and let them have at it. It worked out just fine in An American Tail. Let rats live!!

Friendly competition

Well, well, well. What have we here?

Headline and subheading that read: Anti-ageing activist’s rival Dave Pascoe shares secret to turning back your biological clock – on a budget He’s even scooped a top spot in the world Rejuvination Olympics — via The Independent.

Innnnteresting. Biohacking on a budget? Doesn’t Dave know this is a rich boy’s game? How’s he getting highly ranked at the “Rejuvination (sic) Olympics” without spending thousands of dollars on a device to shock his penis? 🤨

A muscular, lumpy man with a brown beard and long, curly brown hair. He's shirtless, of course, because you can't show you're anti-aging if your tits aren't out. He's smiling awkwardly at the camera. He's wet. — Absolutely in the running for Dampest Man in The World

Holy shit, you guys. This is serious. LOOK HOW WET HE IS. Dave came to play! He’s not fucking around!

BJ: Dave Pascoe is blowing up your spot!!! So far no sons or dads in any pictures, but that could be next!

In the New York Post, Dave says he “takes a whopping 158 supplements per day.” Tell me how he’s doing this on the cheap? Because toilet paper literally costs $19. Would love to know how he’s getting this pill pile going on a budget.

According to the retiree, his interest in biohacking isn’t breaking the bank, costing him just $30,000 per year for all his supplements and skin care products.

There’s absolutely no way, right? Is he getting all this shit wholesale?

Hmm. Moving on:

Pascoe is flexible with his routines, saying: “If something should come up that would interfere with performing one or more of them, I don’t stress out about it. While it’s awesome to have good structure and discipline, some of the best things in life occur spontaneously!”
He adds: “My ‘me time’ is extremely important to me, so I schedule for it, but I will not pass on an opportunity to spend quality time with others. As a single guy who lives alone, I’ll trade that workout, sauna session or biohack for connected quality time, every time. A single day of missing a few routines will not kill me.”

First off: hey, he’s single! Weird, right?

Secondly: “A single day of missing a few routines will not kill me.” Whoa whoa whoa. Who does this man think he is?? Trying to be like, somewhat normal? Oh, BJ is not gonna like this. Dave, he’s not gonna let you live in the special community he’s making for biohackers that can’t have a single day of fun in their lives. And you can’t come to his cake-less birthday party, either!

Oho, in my research, I have now answered my earlier question about how he affords this. Here’s Dave’s supplement list on his website. Right at the top, it says: “Please note that this page contains affiliate links, for which I may receive some compensation for purchases you make, while you gain a discounted price. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. I'm retired, so please consider helping to support me by purchasing via my links.” Look at you, you little influencer you!! It’s not selling your own olive oil, but it’s a start!

Also on his website, these important stats:

Vital Stats: Chronological Age: 61 (will be 62 in August) Current Epigenetic Age: 37.95 Current Pace of Aging: 0.66 years per each calendar year RejuvenationOlympics.com Leaderboard ranking: Currently #6, slightly ahead of Bryan Johnson — SHADE IS BEING THROWN

Self-observed differences from Bryan Johnson: I'm chronologically 16 years older. I am not a Vegan. I am not Caloric Restricted. In fact, I don't pay attention to calories at all. By limiting simple carbohydrates most of the time, I eat as much as I like without gaining weight and apparently without increasing my rate of aging. I don't eat the same thing day after day, unless what I prepared was too much for a single meal. I strive for nutritional density but also diversity. I would like to include even more meal variations. I simply need to make time to experiment with their preparation and then to incorporate them (like black beans and lentils). Doing so is on my roadmap. I am NOT on testosterone replacement hormone. In 2023, my T remained in the range of 808-1262 in monthly testing. I also intentionally avoid personal care products that contain endocrine-disrupting ingredients. However, I do understand that caloric restriction is known to drive T low, necessitating supplementation. To me, that's just another reason to not be caloric restricted. It apparently isn't completely necessary in order to have a slower rate of aging, but it does have me wondering whether it would move the needle even further for me, if I did. I AM on thyroid replacement hormone, T3 & T4, since my thyroid stopped working in my early 30s. — ECLIPSE-TOTALITY-LEVEL SHADE

And right at the bottom:

Special thanks to Bryan Johnson for drawing so much good attention to the Longevity & Rejuvenation space and sharing all that he is doing, and for co-creating the Rejuvenation Olympics with TruDiagnostic! — The “thanks for creating the competition that I am beating you in” elusive THIRD TYPE OF INTENSE SHADE

I really need this rivalry to blow up, and fast.

Who will make the first diss track? My money’s on Dave, because he’d be okay spending an hour or two in the studio for fun.

Shameless self-promotion corner

I’m back to being a turd online! This week, I had a piece published in Hard Times titled “Rude! My Friend Invited Me to Meet Her Baby and the Baby Showed Up Completely Unprepared.”

That was the last piece I had in my publishing queue at the moment! I’m working on a gigantic list for Hard Drive, but I expect it to take a month or more to finish. Time to have a very normal minor existential crisis about whether or not I’ll ever get published again!

Randomly selected animal cutie

@surveyninja Oh the things I see while out #surveying #pig #pigs #surprisepig #fyp #outdoors #hiking #optoutside #animals

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I can’t think of anything I’d enjoy more than having two baby Hampshire pigs excitedly running toward me. I can literally feel myself going full Elmyra over them right now. Where can I find a baby pig to hug??

That’s it from me this week! I’m off to eat lunch before diving back in to a couple of larger writing projects I’m trying to make some progress on. Thanks for hanging out with me for the last two years, and here’s to the next two!
K

I would love to stop watching The Curse of Oak Island. Alas, the show seems to have some sort of hypnotic pull over me, and, like Sisyphus, I will continue to watch them find absolutely no treasure year after year. I will watch Jack Begley ask the dumbest questions known to man, Gary Drayton shriek over finding a button in the ground, and Rick and Marty Lagina continue to tell everyone their last name is pronounced “Luh-ghee-nuh” until the end of time. Please help.