Major Heat Dome

Internet round-up for the week of June 29, 2026

Jul 03, 2026

Heya, pals! Happy Friday, and Happy 4th of July weekend!

Me for the last four weeks: It’s too cold, needs to be warmer, it’s not really summer, I don’t want to wear a jacket outside in June.

Chicago:

A map of the US showing a heat dome over the midwest — Maj. Heat Dome 🫡

Extremely high temperatures throughout the midwest, in the 90s and 100s

Forecast heat indices for this past week (they're high)

A map of the midwest with a section circled and an inset that reads "zone of sweaty despair dew points 76-80 degrees" — 🌽 sweat

Me:

Got it. It’s summer. Understood. Thanks.

As you may be able to tell from the pictures above, it has been VERY, VERY HOT this week in Chicago. It’s supposed to be cooler tomorrow (only in the high 80s, wow!) and I’m very much looking forward to it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there was a moment a few days ago when I actually thought to myself, “Can’t wait until winter!” Help.

Otherwise, this week has been fabulous! Busy, busy, busy, as always, but very good. I’ve had some pieces published this week I’m very proud of (more on that in a minute), and have otherwise just been either writing or watching Love Island (PAIN).

First, an update: great news — Bean Boy Colin was successful in breaking the “sitting in a vat of baked beans” world record after staying in the tub for 106 hours. Congratulations to him, and condolences to Captain Beany, who’s gonna have to go for 107 next time.

Also best of luck to Colin on a speedy recovery for whatever the fuck marinating in a pile of beans for four and a half days does to your skin. I can’t imagine it’s pleasant.

With that out of the way — let’s get on in to the news of the week:

Billionaire boys

Bryan announced this week that he’s discovered he has an autoimmune disorder!

Tweet from @bryan_johnson that reads, "Bad news #1: I have an autoimmune disease. My stomach is eating itself. Bad news #2: 2–5% of people have this, too. Likely more, because it hides. Good news: I'm going to try and solve it. Will share all." — via Twitter

On the positive side, yet another diagnosis that will actually get more research than normal because Bryan has unlimited funds to spend. (On the negative side, it’s only getting said research because Bryan himself has it.)

Anyway, it’s called Autoimmune Gastritis (AIG), and I guess we’ll be learning a lot more about it in the future! Of course, that tweet I linked above is like a 2000 word essay on his health history and the disease, but I pulled out the most important part here for ya, of course:

It's worth noting that many of you give me a hard time, inviting me to "live life" and engage in self-destructive behaviors like a "normal person". I'm cool with the playful ribbing. Also, had I not taken care of my health during the past five years, my situation could potentially be very serious. — via Twitter

Jesse Pinkman nervously drinking water — Who would have done something like that?

Anyway, the diagnosis doesn’t seem to have bothered him too much, as yesterday he was right back to this:

Tweet from Bryan Johnson that says "6 people have seen Kate's vagina today." — via Twitter

He went on to say they would have news soon about her suspected endometriosis. He also shared this week that she apparently “bombed the biggest interview of her life,” a profile for the Wall Street Journal, and I honestly can’t wait to read this thing. (According to him, “The interest in our female health protocol is a powder keg of energy. Every major publication has reached out.” Exciting.)

And I will say, it’s always worth scrolling through the replies to Bryan’s tweets for gems like this one:

Tweet from Universal Abundance that says, "It is an interesting experiment to be this open publicly" and features a photoshopped image of those two people that climbed the Empire State Building with their flag saying "Stop telling us about Kate's Vagina" — via Twitter

Truly a sign worth climbing the Empire State Building for.

Wholesome fun

NASA has released another little fun toy this week, called “What Did Hubble See on Your Birthday?” You just go to the site, put in your birthdate, and get some really cool space pics in return. Here’s my fave birthday pic, “Spiral Galaxy NGC 1309”:

A spiral galaxy with lots of stars and other tiny galaxies around it — 😵‍💫

Gorgeous!

Shameless self-promotion corner

You may recall that I mentioned last week that I’d consumed The Beans™.

Well, I’m thrilled to share that this week, those beans helped me get my first-ever McSweeney’s byline, themed for the upcoming holiday:

The beans are, as expected, absolutely foul. But I’m very proud of how this turned out, and I do think it was worth having a horrific taste in my mouth for a few hours.

I also wrote an absolutely ridiculous piece for BuzzFeed this week, too:

Highly recommend taking a peek at young Gerald Ford. For science.

Randomly selected animal cutie

First up, Jonah the dog has officially been scheduled for his dream day in the park, and it is July 12. I can’t wait for pics.

A wanted poster for Jonah, the dog that didn't get a hot dog at the baseball game

And then — remember Neil the seal from all the way back in 2023?

Well, he’s back and making a mess in Tasmania again.

A seal blocked against a fence by a truck bed; his head is popping up over it and he has a mischievous look on his face. He's on a sand path and there is brush off to one side and the ocean can be seen in the distance — Proud of himself. As he should be.

Neil is bopping around, destroying parking bollards, fences, and traffic cones, as any young elephant seal is wont to do. According to the Guardian, he’s basically like a teenager now, and is probably going to get much, much bigger than he already is.

An enormous seal laying in the road next to a bent over parking bollard; his head is propped up on a traffic cone and he seems to be smiling — I mean, come on. Look at that face.

As usual, residents have been warned to stay away from him, lest he smash their cars to bits. Also as usual, I love him and think he is perfect.

That’s it from me this week! I’m off to a pool party today, a 4th of July party tomorrow, and then finally, FINALLY finishing up Widow’s Bay. Have a great weekend!
K

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