Paused for Financial Recovery
Internet round-up for the week of July 17, 2023
Hiya friends, and happy Barbenheimer Friday!
Anyone going to the theatre to see either one or both films? I am not because I do not like going to the movies1, but I’m excited to check them out once I can get ‘em at home. Probably mostly Barbie, if I’m honest. It looks fantastic and I love Greta Gerwig.
Yesterday marked a full SIX MONTHS since my surprise layoff. It’s been a wild ride, to say the least. All things considered, I have had a pretty awesome opportunity to spend some time writing, and I’ve done a lot of it. I’ve also done a lot of watching Survivor. 🤷🏼♀️ Mostly it’s just been crazy to see how quickly a person can become accustomed to staying in bed until 10AM and wearing sweatpants all day. (Very, very quickly.)
This week has been fairly mellow. I did manage to finish and submit my first short story, which was really exciting! I’ve been toying around with since 20162 and it felt great to finally get it done. Hopefully I will be able to get it published, and then I’ll share it here!
I also spent some time this week watching my new favorite TikTok live stream: HAMSTER GYM.
Look — it’s no RatTok, but sometimes we have to take the rodents the algorithm provides, y’know?
It’s basically just hamsters in wheels running full blast with dance music blaring over the top. Somehow, they’ll double up and manage to keep the exact same speed for a while (until they get off kilter and one of them flies out of the wheel, only to return 10 seconds later). These guys are having the time of their lives, and I love it.
They also weirdly seem to like running to the music — I noticed as the songs ended, the hamsters would slow down, and then pick back up again when the next song started. Adorable.
Speaking of TikTok lives — they’ve been heavily making the rounds this week:
Familiarize yourself with PinkyDoll (gifted NYT link), the face of NPC live streaming, gang gang. I don’t know how all the phone tracker stuff worked, but as soon as I read about her on Twitter, she started *pop pop*-ing up in my TikTok feed, too.
I watched for a while and honestly — I’m mostly just amazed at the amount of energy she’s managing to keep up over a 2-3 hour period responding to every gift she receives. I’ve only been awake for 4 hours and I already have a headache and need a nap.
Plus, like SOME OF THOSE GIFTS ARE WORTH ONLY ONE SINGLE PENNY?? I wouldn’t say “Ice cream so good” to a stranger3 for an offer of one HUNDRED pennies. It’s a pittance!!
But also she is making $7,000 a day, so maybe ice cream IS so good *pop pop pop* gang gang? 🤔 *googles “how to build stamina for being awake”*
Headline of The Week
Babe. Please. I get that it was your engagement trip. I’m sure the ring is “burning a hole in your pocket” or whatever but this woman has a fractured spine. Can we just not?
Let this woman get a manicure, for God’s sake!! Let her STAND UP!? Let her get out of the HOSPITAL GOWN and put a bra on! Unnecessarily cruel.
Of course she said yes. She’s on drugs!
He Is Rectangular
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YES, this is REAL. This is a REAL person who is RICH, and probably has had no one in his life place a gentle hand on his shoulder for one second and ask, “Sean, when you say ‘I feel no hole,’ what do you mean by that? I can see that sometimes lyrics are a metaphor, but this one’s not landing for me. Before you put this on the internet, could we take a moment, and see how saying something like that might be received by someone who is not your mother or on your payroll?”
You know how I know no one stepped up to take one for the team here? Because this man is the CEO of a Canadian (you caught him saying “kilometers”, right?) media company called Treefrog, and no one stopped him from writing a novella of a bio on the company website.
I guess to be fair: What are you supposed to do if this man is your boss? What if he sits you down in the conference room and plays this song before your quarterly KPI check in?
I also want to point out this important note in the “Music” section of HIS CEO BIO:
The music chapter didn’t close, but was paused for financial recovery.
Great! So he’s recovered financially then, I guess. Congrats, bro.
*Sean looking at his bank statement two months after having his hair re-greened and flying to Times Square to lip sync to an autotuned version of a song about shapes*:
Honestly this is genius, and I will be using it in every disagreement moving forward.
Also, click through to this Twitter thread to see a rotating CT scan of a clump of Cool Ranch Doritos. There are also Cheetos and Ruffles!!
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
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I am obsessed with these two. The captions are accurate — they absolutely think that they are supposed to be walking their humans. GET BACK ON THE LEASH, DAD!
That’s all from me this week! Have a great weekend. Stay Rectangular™. ▭ 😎
Sticky floors, can’t pause the movie while I have to pee, and listening to people crunch popcorn in my immediate vicinity? I think not.
Not me once again realizing that was 7 years ago, not 4. Gross.
Actually I would do this in one very specific scenario: Billy Eicher asking me “Miss, for a dollar, say ‘Ice cream so good?’”