Stand Tall, Be Firm, and Be Upright
Internet round-up for the week of January 20, 2025
Greetings, my friends! We made it to Friday!!
It’s been an incredibly cold week here in Chicago, and it’s finally starting to warm up (today’s high is 19 — positively tropical). It hasn’t bothered me too much, but mostly because I’ve made it a point to be outside as little as possible. I’d love to act like that was an incredibly difficult task for me, but…well, I don’t think I’ve put on “real” pants in well over a month, so… 😬
Otherwise, this week is feeling very:
It’s definitely been one of Those Weeks™.
I don’t think there’s really any question that we’ll be having a lot more of this general heaviness in the coming years. And lately, the internet hasn’t really been a particularly fun or great place to hang out, either. I’m still there, of course — for work, and for pleasure (read: an unexplainable addiction to taking psychic damage for multiple hours each day).
But the reason I started TMI was to share fun things from the internet, and that’s exactly what I intend to continue doing. So, thanks for being a part of this silly little trash can online.
**This is completely off topic, but as I was writing this I got a push notification from the Chani app that mentioned “TMI” and I am so horribly TMI-pilled that I spent at least ten seconds trying to figure out why they were talking about me. 💅🏻 **
Anyway, let’s try to have a little fun, shall we? Here’s what I’ve got for ya this week:
Headline of the week
All I can say, upfront, is this is not the fault of the rats.
Let’s get some details here (use your tools to get around the paywall; I pretend I do not see it):
“We got 400,000 pounds of marijuana in storage that the rats are the only ones enjoying,” Houston Mayor John Whitmire (D) said at a news conference.
FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS?! Guys, it’s time to call Marie Kondo and stage an intervention. This is a hoarding situation.
“They’re edible, they’re tasty, they’re all kinds of things. You can’t store large quantities of drugs without expecting some of these things to happen,” Stout said at the news conference, adding that the Houston police also have hired exterminators. “But this is difficult getting these rodents out of there. … They’re drug-addicted rats. They’re tough to deal with.”
Sorry but this statement has absolutely killed me. First, the description of drugs as “edible,” “tasty,” and “all kinds of things” is hysterical. But the key here is that the drug-addicted rats are “tough to deal with.”
This is why I’ve had to bring Mafia Mouse™ back out again. It’s his time.
If anyone can get the mischief1 in line, it’s him.
Les Incompétents
EXCUSE ME?! The Olympics were LESS THAN SIX MONTHS AGO.
How are the medals already this jacked up?
Can you imagine?? You spend years training in your sport. You get into the Olympics. Then you WIN at the Olympics. And then they hand you something that almost immediately turns into a roached-ass penny I found on a playground in 1995.
The NY Times says (a gift link — I’m not a monster):
In just over 100 days since the Olympics closed, more than 100 athletes have asked for their crumbling medals to be replaced.
AND REPLACED THEY SHALL BE.
Faced with a deluge of deteriorating medals, the International Olympic Committee has vowed to find replacements. “Damaged medals will be systematically replaced by the Monnaie de Paris and engraved in an identical way to the originals,” it said in a statement.
Correct. OR ELSE.
(I have no idea what I’m threatening here. It’s not like *I* can make a bronze medal. But the athletes deserve pretty prizes!! And they should last FOREVER. And if not forever, at least a hundred years.)
Billionaire Boys
Last week, I made an impassioned plea to our wettest billionaire boy to SLOW DOWN on DOING THINGS so that I could have time to complete my Deep Dive.
Instead, he has defied me by posting this:
Gang, is Talmage IN HIS DORM ROOM wearing a boner tracker all night?? I cannot imagine this is going over well amongst The Boys. And like — is he going to bed at 8:30 PM or whatever every single night, as well? College is supposed to be fun.
Let the boy go out and do something enjoyable with kids his own age!! I understand he’s a bb billionaire but he should not have to be a lab rat (NO RAT SHOULD EITHER) for his dad’s weird whims. At a minimum he should be eating beef ramen he cooked on a hot plate, sleeping through his 8 AM alarm, and getting so drunk on vodka cranberries that he stands in an ant bed for 30 minutes before he realizes they’re biting him2.
Also I just need a moment for “Raise children to stand tall, be firm, and be upright.”
Okay. There, I’ve taken it.
FREE TALMAGE!! This is going to be on page one of his inevitable tell-all memoir.
I guess I better get this damn Deep Dive finished before Bryan posts full zapped hog on the timeline. (I assume that’s next, I can’t think of anything that could possibly be more uncomfortably revealing.)
He must be stopped.
I’M NOT GETTING ON YOUR REGIMEN, BRYAN.
Randomly selected animal cutie
You’ll be pleased to hear there is exactly one bit of good news coming out of DC this week: GIANT PANDAS (and the panda cam) are back!
I spent a very good portion of the 2010s with the panda cam running next to me at all hours of the day, so I’m more than pleased that I can finally return to my roots.
Also, I guess I was (sort-of) right about the TikTok ban? It seems to have lasted for approximately 12 hours, and I only missed it for about 10 minutes because Damon and I had planned to watch the ones we’d sent to each other throughout the week late Saturday night. We were able to watch them Sunday afternoon, so…yeah. That was…quick.
Either way, I think going forward I’ll try to do more screenshots and embeds, so as not to leave myself vulnerable to the whims of one of any number of Billionaire Boys. I’m (slowly) in the process of working my way back through all of the TMI posts to update/correct tags, correct broken links, and make sure all my images have alt text — so I’ll just add this to the list. On the one hand, it makes things easier to see for you, but on the other, I expect to get ten times as many notifications that my post is “too long for email.” But if it’s not one thing, it’s another, am I right??
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to catch up on The Traitors and impatiently wait for it to get dark so I can watch Severance (can’t be having a glare on my Helly R). Hope you have a great weekend! Stay safe, and take care of yourselves.
K
EXCUSE ME how have I gone THIS LONG without knowing that a “mischief” is one of the names for a group of rats?? Officially entered into the lexicon.
Oops, that was me.
Crumbling Olympic medals! I know Paris was on a tight budget and the athletes didn’t have ac, but tin foil awards? Yikes. Croissants for life!