Carbonated Piss
Internet round-up for the week of January 26, 2026
What’s up, gang?? Another snowy Friday here in Chicago, and our radiators are on FULL BLAST. (Hell yeah!) I’m sitting here in a tank top, but my feet are cold. Go figure.
This week has been pretty busy, and if I’m honest, I’m absolutely exhausted. It’s been a looooong month. I think the weather is certainly contributing today, but right now I feel like I could sleep for approximately 100 years.
Also, the world wide web has been fairly quiet this week, too! So the newsy’ll be a bit truncated this week so I can go take a nap. For now, though, let’s go ahead and dive in to what I’ve got here for you. First and foremost, the most important thing…
Fake meat water review
Friends, sometimes you must undertake a task so difficult, so arduous — a task for only the most courageous among us — to advance civilization. Today, I have completed just such a task.
I drank the Beyond Meat Protein drink.
I wondered if it had a milk-like consistency before. It does not.
In fact, it smells like piss.
It looks like piss.
Foamy, carbonated piss.
After pouring myself a glass, despite every fiber of my being telling me not to, I took a sip.
My god. It is sour. SO SOUR. Fermented? I don’t know. There’s nothing Beyond Meat-y about it, I can tell you that. There is a light orange-y flavor to it, but it’s really not sweet at all. Personally, I loathe Stevia. I should’ve noted that the drink contained that prior to tasting it. But though the Stevia taste is there, it’s somehow not the worst part of this drink.
It’s this…froth that I simply cannot comprehend:
What is creating this? Why is it still here even though the rest of the drink has settled down? Why is it thick?
I couldn’t bring myself to take a second sip. I set it on my desk for a bit while I contemplated it, and the odor was so absolutely foul I couldn’t stand it. I had to dump it out. And when I did, the way my kitchen sink burbled the beverage down was one of the most revolting sounds I’ve ever heard.
I will not be consuming any more of the meat water.
I do have 11 additional cans, though! So if any of you out there want to drink something absolutely horrific, hit me up.
And if you want to watch a video of me drinking this thing so you can see my exact facial expressions, you can do so here:
(You know, I downloaded my own TikTok, but it didn’t leave me with a) the actual thumbnail or b) cute little TikTok branding. At any rate, imagine the thumbnail image is me holding the can and not a picture of me with my eyes half closed. Thank you.)
Brands a-branding
Heat, eh? Bold? What do you mean?
Oh. No no no. Noooo no. Not trying this one. There’s NO WAY.1
It’s exactly what you’d think it is. Absolut says it’s:
a chili pepper flavored vodka where each sip contains the distinct notes of aged chili peppers and vinegar with an underlying sweetness. This delivers a bold and pleasant heat experience that engages all the senses, immediately inviting another sip.
“Immediately inviting another sip,” huh? Okay. Sure.
Someone else taste this and report back, please. I need a break from weird drinks.
Randomly selected animal cutie
Today, I present some cheetah cubs who are totally done with winter (me too, guys):
Safe to say this guy in the front is making the exact same face I was when I got up this morning and realized it was snowing again. We get it, okay? It’s winter. You’ve made your point.
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to rest before diving into some home improvement projects over the weekend. Have a good one!
K
Y’all know how I feel about Ginger Ale. My spice tolerance is LOW, BABY!
You know, that foam is pretty consistent to what happens to the urine of people with kidney problems who are excreting excess protein because their body can’t process it so…your comparison holds true.
Wow. That looks like hot piss.