The Littlest Shortstop

Internet round-up for the week of April 10, 2023

Hey fam!

I’m coming to you today from…sunny Arizona! We decided to take a surprise trip to crash my parents’ vacation and are actually, as you’re reading this, on our way to Sedona. Yes, that’s right — I actually wrote this ahead of time, and not groggily from my bed on Friday morning! Instead, I’m writing groggily from a hotel bed on Thursday night!

Look at me, keeping you on your toes! A plot twist.

Say a single word against Kendall Roy and we will fight. Also I am not ready to talk about Succession yet. I am still processing!

Yesterday we went to Tombstone, the site of the famous gunfight at the OK Corral. There was a ton to see, including the office of the Tombstone Epitaph, the World’s Largest Rose Bush, and my personal favorite, the Bird Cage Theater.

Here’s one of my favorite pictures of the day — the old Tombstone baseball team.

Papà, may we please have a day off from the mines for our game of basebòl?

What position do we think the baby played? 1st base? Outfield? Shortstop?

I know what this is. They put one young kid on their team and then all these teenagers can play in the 3 and under league. It’s like how dog flyball teams have one weenie dog so they can lower the hurdles for the big bois¹. No wonder they got “A Clean Sweep”.

(I’m mostly excited about the fact that after walking around in the sun all day I only got a small sunburn next to my armpit which is very rare for a woman so pale she heard her own self say “Wow, this ginger ale is spicy” to her husband on an airplane two days ago. I am so sorry. I think it was Schweppes. Yes, I am dragging myself here. I deserve it.)

It’s been great to get away for a bit! I’m outside!

@magicsocietyI like outside 🌞🏝️❤️ #outside #uncannyvalley #weirdcore #weirdtoys #magicsociety #mannequin #backrooms #liminalspaces #liminalspace #creepy #creepypasta #strang #beach #jersey #jerseyshore #asburypark #sweater #maximalistfashion #maximaliststyle #maximalist

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With all my time outside, I’ve been on the World Wide Web™ a bit less than usual this week, but I’ve still got a few lil goods gathered up!

I’m Being Personally Attacked

JAIL

I, a millennial, have been emotionally assaulted by this “vintage store in Williamsburg.”

FIRST OFF.

There’s no way that this vest cost more than $20 in 2000. I cannot even believe it survived, because clothes from Wet Seal were usually good for 1-2 wears tops before the armpit got a hole in it or it fully disintegrated in the wash.

I am exaggerating. Sometimes you could wear Wet Seal items for up to 6 wears before they spontaneously combusted while physically on your person.

But the worst pain from this tweet isn’t that the item is “vintage” (do not get me started again) or that I am old (the lady in the Tombstone Courthouse today said that the special historical site badges and oaths were only for kids, which tells me that I am). It’s that this proves, emphatically, that I should never have gotten rid of anything I ever owned² because my bucket hat and shiny Limited Too purple pants were investment pieces. My high school wardrobe could have been my retirement!! 😫

El*n M*sk

Update from last week: We still can’t embed tweets on Substack, and my guess is that we probably will never be able to again.

The Substack/Twitter feud is in full force. Why won’t mom and dad stop fighting so I can embed tweets and share my Substack posts on Twitter? Is it my fault??

Here’s my favorite dumb thing, maybe? Looks like Twitter is going to try to directly compete with Substack now (allowing 10k character tweets and subscriptions).

Babe. I’m sorry. If a 10k character tweet shows up in my feed, you’re getting blocked. I won’t even click on a link that says “See more…” I simply do not have time to see more than I am already seeing. I cannot be bothered to click for more. I am scrolling. I am moving forward with my life. (Time marches on. When does it end, Diane?)

He just. Never. Stops. Doing. Dumb. Things.

Has anyone seen an iceberg I could chill on while I wait for rescue from the Carpathia? I’ll bring a coat. I used to live in Chicago, I have 200.

Substack Notes

I wanted to give a quick update on the “Twitter competitor” (?) Substack Notes.

I started using it for the first time this week and I find it to be both great and not. It’s great in that I can read notes from lots of my favorite writers and funny people. It’s decidedly uncrowded in there. The feed is, at the moment, very short. And it’s pleasant, as far as I’ve seen.

But here’s what I don’t love: Your notes are only visible by your Substack user subscribers. As a person with very few subscribers that also write Substack newsletters, and who doesn’t have recommendations from other publications, it feels like I’m kind of shouting into the void.

I’m hopeful that that will change in the future though, so I’m going to continue using Notes and reading fun stuff from people whose content I love to consume! I am nothing if not a Content Consumer™!

^ Just look at that embed, baby!!

Release the Dril

Back to Twitter for one quick second — the King Shitposter, Dril, did an interview this week as himself for The Ringer. Not the character. It was illuminating and I loved it.

If you’ve ever read and loved a Dril tweet, this piece is for you.

Randomly Selected Animal Cutie

@thatdogmomlifeWhen the old man just wants to eat but can’t remember the time of the day. #seniordog #oldman #oldmandog #oldchihuahua #dogsoftiktok #seniordogsoftiktok

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Look at this sweet little sausage-shaped senior baby. Let her eat at 4. She’s hungry!

That’s it from me this week. I’m going to go into a rock vortex and buy some crystals now. Have a great weekend! I’ll be flying again on Sunday and will not be getting the Spicy Airline Drink™!

K

1. Labs. Retrievers. Border Collies. The occasional muttsky.

2. Except the beanie babies.