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Golden Charlize Theron
Internet round-up for the week of September 25, 2023
Hey hey, happy Friday!
This is it! Officially our *LAST* Friday in California. It is cloudy out right now because the weather is kindly prepping us for the upcoming Chicago winter.
Which — to be honest — I am actually a little worried about. Have I become soft over the last year? Will I go outside in late November and complain about how cold it is? Will I be grouchy when I have to dig my car out of the snow? (Okay, obvious yes to that last one, it’s just annoying. Especially when you only have street parking. Ugh.)
I figure it’s probably not safe to be scrolling TikToks while I’m driving, so expect next week’s newsie to be a bit truncated as we’ll be on the road! This time next week we’ll probably be somewhere around Nevada/Utah.
And just for the record: NO, I’M NOT STOPPING IN FUCKING RENO.
For our last CA outing, we’re heading up to Muir Woods on Monday. I’m stoked to see the redwoods and go on one more adventurous hike before we leave the West Coast.
Here is a list of things I will miss about living in the Bay Area:
Near-constant sun and good weather
Ample availability of bubble and milk tea
Being close to friends I rarely got to see before living here
Gorgeous drives and hiking and nature
The Pacifica Taco Bell
All big sporting events are over at like 8 PM
And here is a list of things I will not miss about living in the Bay Area:
No real season change
No quality junk food
By the time I wake up everyone already knows the exciting news of the day and all the good jokes have already been made on Twitter
Sunday football starts at 10 AM which is too early (physically — emotionally it is fine) for me to house an entire tray of 7-layer dip
Target always crowded
Everything costs a billion dollars
(The last one is definitely the worst one.)
Of course I repeatedly said we were ahead of schedule on packing, and while I guess we sort of still are, it also feels like we have absolutely no time left, which means I’ve been on my phone constantly. So, here’s what I’ve got for ya this week:
I will never not be thinking about this video when I’m at the dentist again.
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WHY ARE PERFUME COMMERCIALS LIKE THIS??
There is literally nothing more dramatic, and I do not understand why. Are they trying to evoke a scent? Like…I know what the beach smells like?? Does the perfume smell like the beach? If not, you could just say “hey this one smells like a couple types of flowers and a hint of vanilla.” I get it. What I do not get is the smell of a frustrated Natalie Portman or golden Charlize Theron.
Want to know my scent of choice? It’s Tie-Dye Vanilla Cupcake deodorant.
It was a special edition thing Native did with Baked by Melissa, and of course they only sold it for a limited amount of time so I bought like 8 sticks of it at once. I’m already through one and well into a second, so I’ve switched over to Tom’s Fresh Apricot for now because I’m afraid I’m going to use my good ones up too fast1.
Do deodorant sticks go bad? Actually, you know what, don’t tell me.
I guess it’s kind of a special occasion deodorant now — so if I smell like cake, it’s a good day. Because the thing is, Tom’s Fresh Apricot is natural deodorant that’s not thick like paste (sorry Native), and none of them really work. They all just kind of smell a little bit like BO and a little bit like a scent, so you smell yourself and you’re like — is that me? I’m not sure.
That’s the guarantee of odor protection you get with natural deodorant: Maybe it’s not BO!
And look — I use them, so I’m not complaining. I mean, I am complaining, a little, that your choices are either Fresh Apri-BOt or Native’s delicious-smelling papier-mâché-good-luck-washing-this-off-with-soft-water2 texture. At least I kind of smell like a cake sometimes.
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Strike 3, They’re
CONGRATULATIONS to the WGA for getting a deal this week!!! I looked over the terms and WOW. 5 long months on the picket line and they’ve done the hard work of protecting the industry for years to come (an industry that I very much hope to work in one day!!). I’m also very stoked that all the late night shows are back on next week — I’ve missed them terribly! Plus all my friends that work on those shows can get paid again, which is very good!!
THANK YOU, WGA!!!
SAG-AFTRA is up next 🤞🏻
I highly recommend checking out this wild story fromabout a steak house that wasn’t…but then it was.
Sweet Home Chicago
If you buy me Malört for a welcome home gift I will never speak to you again.
It is not a “welcome home” gift. It is a “please leave” gift.
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
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THE BINKIES! I love her, and also now I want a free range rabbit??
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to — this will come as no surprise — put more of my things into boxes. This time next week, we’ll be on the road, and I’ll be making my required 1x/day Dairy Queen stop for an Oreo Mini Blizzard. Hope y’all have a great weekend!
I would love to have an explanation for why I am like this. Alas, I do not.
SOFT WATER. Another thing I will not miss!! Give me the goddamn minerals. Please. My hair is a fuckin’ oil slick over here.