Happy Friday! I’m coming you today from *INSIDE* the *BLIZZARD* (check my style out). It is…snowing! And maybe supposed to rain, and then freeze later?
Honestly I have no complaints because I am inside, warm, and all stocked up on groceries. Also, it’s winter! I’m getting a season! I’m seeing the snow! I tripped a breaker with my space heater!! We’re back in the midwest, baby!!
I’ve been incredibly busy with writing projects this week, which has been a fantastic start to the new year. I’m already behind — partially because I spent a good portion of Wednesday night/Thursday chatting with my old Google crew — Google did another January layoff (more than the “hundreds” mentioned here — it’s certainly over a thousand but the numbers aren’t clear1) and my old department got hit really hard.
I am glad I was able to give those folks some support (part of which was just reminding them to chill out for a minute and take time to process everything), but WHEW it’s brought up a lot of shitty memories from this time last year!
Unrelated but related, here’s an interesting read about how Google’s SEO is ruining the internet.
Either way, I’ve still made time to be online this week by not doing the rest of my work, so here’s what I’ve got for ya:
Smart Home
Seeing this post about a washing machine being *online* reminded me of my engineering days — I had a couple of teammates obsessed with tracking data on every single appliance in their homes.
These guys were wild. Setting up alerts to see when the dishwasher had finished each cycle. Angling cameras to see every part of their house and yard. Configuring text messages for when the washer and dryer were done.
Personally, I know when the dryer is done because it will make a ding sound, or flip on a little light, or I will simply leave the clothes in there for 6 days because I forgot and then have to run them again to get the wrinkles out. I get enough notifications!! I do not need to be bothered by my appliances!
If my refrigerator wants to watch some TikToks or buy something off an Instagram ad it is welcome to do so. What my “smart home” is doing on its own time is not my business.
The dude eventually blocked the device on his router to stop the traffic because he couldn’t figure out what it was. Why can’t we just let the washer have a little fun, eh? *Cue “Washers Just Wanna Have Fun,” by Cyndi Lau(ndry)per, the song it’s been streaming for hours on Spotify every day.*
Regular Dudes
We’re two weeks into January, and we’ve got to give it up for REGULAR DUDES this year. Out here doing weird shit, giving Rich Dudes2 a run for their money in 2024!
A regular dude did a cannonball into an aquarium at a Bass Pro Shop,
one got stuck inside a vase at a party, and there’s a whole host of tunneling dudes out there (fell in a hole, stole stuff through a hole, dug a big hole).
They’re moving through newsworthy headlines ridiculously fast. Can they keep up this drama for the next 12 months? I have a feeling rich dudes are going to come back hard with even weirder shit to reclaim their TMI title.
And — speaking of holes:
Rat City, Bitch
This week, the “Chicago Rat Hole” went viral on Twitter.
The “Rat Hole” is a place where, it appears, one of our favorite rodents may have met a very untimely end (via steamroller, I’m guessing):
The exact location has been pinpointed as 1918 W Roscoe Street.
Of course it made the local news (check out that “Rat Hole Guy” title — I am filled with envy) and Block Club. There’s also merch available now.
OBVIOUSLY I intend to make my own pilgrimage there as soon as there’s not a fucking blizzard going on (and the temperature doesn’t have a minus sign in front of it).
I need to make a wish:
Can you see why I had to move back here?! Chicago forever.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: number 1 in rats, number 1 in my heart.
Shameless Self-Promotion Corner
Two very exciting and related things: I did end up winning 3rd place in my fantasy football league last week, as I’d hoped, and I also had this (somewhat autobiographical) piece published in
this week!It’s my first piece for the site and I’m excited to be a part of the EOTB crew!!
Randomly Selected Animal Cutie
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ICE CRONCH!!
I could literally watch this video all day. I’ve probably already watched it 200 times. It’s perfect in every possible way, and I am obsessed with Stella.
Also, this is the reason why I could never buy one of those ice machines that makes Sonic ice. I would literally do nothing but make and crunch ice all day, and then I’d never get anything done and my dentist would be mad.
That’s it from me this week! I’m off to spectate on the shitty weather through the blinds and see if anybody’s car gets towed when the plow comes through (not me, I’m parked on a side street!)! Have a great weekend!!
K
It kind of seems like they strategically dropped numbers and team names to different outlets so the cuts appear to be siloed in certain departments, but my insider information (Discord chats) seem to hint that that’s inaccurate and they were fairly widespread.
Cannot wait to hear about your pilgrimage to rat hole. And WOW that image of the regular dude in front of the Bass Shop water feature is incredible. I'm a regular dude doing absurd shit stan, for sure.
Rat hole 😂 Congrats on fantasy football and End of the Bench!!